Baptists Quotes

“What I'd like to read is a scientific review, by a scientific psychologist--if any exists--of 'A Scientific Man and the Bible'. By what route do otherwise sane men come to believe such palpable nonsense? How is it possible for a human brain to be divided into two insulated halves, one functioning normally, naturally and even brilliantly, and the other capable only of such ghastly balderdash which issues from the minds of Baptist evangelists? Such balderdash takes various forms, but it is at its worst when it is religious. Why should this be so? What is there in religion that completely flabbergasts the wits of those who believe in it? I see no logical necessity for that flabbergasting. Religion, after all, is nothing but an hypothesis framed to account for what is evidentially unaccounted for. In other fields such hypotheses are common, and yet they do no apparent damage to those who incline to them. But in the religious field they quickly rush the believer to the intellectual Bad Lands. He not only becomes anaesthetic to objective fact; he becomes a violent enemy of objective fact. It annoys and irritates him. He sweeps it away as something somehow evil...”
― H.L. Mencken, American Mercury

“You didn't learn the Bible as a Fundamentalist. You learned fragments of Old Testament legalism mixed with Behaviorism & Nietzschean ethics”
― Jeri Massi

“The only thing wrong with Southern Baptists was they didn't hold them underwater long enough.”
― Kinky Friedman, A Case of Lone Star

“Pastor Russell lived in nearby Pittsburgh and said that there was no hell. This was terrible for we all knew that everyone but the Baptists were going there, so to believe there was no hell upset all the countryside theology.”
― Ammon Hennacy, The Autobiography of a Catholic Anarchist

“In fact she’s a Baptist, which is almost like being Christian, only louder.”
― Orson Scott Card, Red Prophet

“On Sundays, Presbyterians were not allowed to eat hot food or read the funny papers or travel the shortest journey; parents believed in Hell and believed tiny babies could go there. Baptists were not supposed to know, up until their dying day, how to play cards or dance. And so on.”
― Eudora Welty, On Writing

“That government is best which rules least," quoted in Torbet. Leland was a Baptist spokesman and pastor who knew Thomas Jefferson, circa 1760. No, I did not know him personally.”
― Robert G. Torbet, History of the Baptists

“Jesus had said that God sent Jesus to die for the WHOLE WORLD, which means he died for Catholics, baptists, and all denominations. He died for all of us and he wanted to save all of us.”
― Shaila Touchton

“I'm also comfortably asocial--a hermit in the middle of Seattle--a pessimist if I'm not careful, a feminist, a black, a former Baptist, an oil-and-water combination of ambition, laziness, insecurity, certainty, and drive.”
― Octavia E. Butler