Bertie Wooster Quotes

“Providence looks after all the chumps of this world, and personally, I'm all for it.”
― P.G. Wodehouse

“Feminine psychology is admittedly odd, sir. The poet Pope..."

"Never mind about the poet Pope, Jeeves."

"No, sir."

"There are times when one wants to hear all about the poet Pope and times when one doesn't."

"Very true, sir.”
― P.G. Wodehouse

“Jeeves," I said. "A rummy communication has arrived. From Mr. Glossop."

"Indeed, sir?"

"I will read it to you. Handed in at Upper Bleaching. Message runs as follows:

When you come tomorrow, bring my football boots. Also, if humanly possible, Irish water-spaniel. Urgent. Regards. Tuppy.

"What do you make of that, Jeeves?"

"As I interpret the document, sir, Mr. Glossop wishes you, when you come tomorrow, to bring his football boots. Also, if humanly possible, an Irish water-spaniel. He hints that the matter is urgent, and sends his regards."

"Yes, that is how I read it. But why football boots?"

"Perhaps Mr. Glossop wishes to play football, sir.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Very Good, Jeeves!

“I've said it before, and I'll say it again--girls are rummy. Old Pop Kipling never said a truer word than when he made that crack about the f. of the s. being more d. than the m.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Right Ho, Jeeves

“The Quarrelsome Crab is a curious club, which, over the years, has niftily perfected the art of reincarnation. Its origins are lost in the pea-soupers of time, but I first joined the place when it sailed under the flag of The bitter Pill. Almost immediately it mutated into The Feverish Cheese, before becoming The Frozen Limit, The Startled Shrimp, The Mottled Oyster, and then, very briefly, The Last Gasp....There was a brief attempt to revive the The Frozen Limit when The Last Gasp was raided, but the name had been nabbed by one of Soho's more unyielding criminal gangs. And so The Quarrelsome Crab was born—for how long, though, was anyone's guess.”
― Ben Schott, Jeeves and the Leap of Faith