Jeeves And Wooster Quotes

“I don’t know if you have had the same experience, but the snag I always come up against when I’m telling a story is this dashed difficult problem of where to begin it.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Right Ho, Jeeves

“Feminine psychology is admittedly odd, sir. The poet Pope..."

"Never mind about the poet Pope, Jeeves."

"No, sir."

"There are times when one wants to hear all about the poet Pope and times when one doesn't."

"Very true, sir.”
― P.G. Wodehouse

“Jeeves," I said. "A rummy communication has arrived. From Mr. Glossop."

"Indeed, sir?"

"I will read it to you. Handed in at Upper Bleaching. Message runs as follows:

When you come tomorrow, bring my football boots. Also, if humanly possible, Irish water-spaniel. Urgent. Regards. Tuppy.

"What do you make of that, Jeeves?"

"As I interpret the document, sir, Mr. Glossop wishes you, when you come tomorrow, to bring his football boots. Also, if humanly possible, an Irish water-spaniel. He hints that the matter is urgent, and sends his regards."

"Yes, that is how I read it. But why football boots?"

"Perhaps Mr. Glossop wishes to play football, sir.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Very Good, Jeeves!

“I felt most awfully braced. I felt as if the clouds had rolled away and all was as it used to be. I felt like one of those chappies in the novels who calls off the fight with his wife in the last chapter and decides to forget and forgive. I felt I wanted to do all sorts of other things to show Jeeves that I appreciated him.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, My Man Jeeves

“I said, 'Don't talk rot, Old Tom Travers."
"I am not accustomed to talk rot," he said.
"Then, for a beginner," I said, "you do it dashed well.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Right Ho, Jeeves

“Jeeves, of course, is a gentleman’s gentlemen, not a butler, but if the call comes, he can buttle with the best of them.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Stiff Upper Lip, Jeeves

“NOW, touching this business of old Jeeves – my man, you know – how do we stand? Lots of people think I’m much too dependent on him. My Aunt Agatha, in fact, has even gone so far as to call him my keeper. Well, what I say is: Why not? The man’s a genius.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Carry On, Jeeves

“Tell me, Jeeves," I said. "Suppose you were in a shop taking By The Order of the Czar out of the lending library and a clergyman's daughter came in and without so much as a preliminary 'Hullo, there' said to you, 'Has he brought it yet?' what interpretations would you place on those words?"

He pondered, this way and that dividing the swift mind, as I have heard him put it.

"'Has he brought it yet,' sir?"

"Just that."

"I should reach the conclusion that the lady was expecting a male acquaintance to have arrived or to be arriving shortly bearing some unidentified object.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Aunts Aren't Gentlemen

“There are, of course, three ways to hide behind a sofa.”
― Ben Schott, Jeeves and the King of Clubs

“Very good," I said coldly. "In that case, tinkerty tonk." And I meant it to sting.”
― P. G. Wodehouse, Right Ho, Jeeves-Original Edition

“I always feel that nothing is so soothing as a walk in a garden at night."
"Ha!"
"The cool air. The scent of growing things. That is tobacco plant which you can smell, sir."
"Is it?"
"The stars, sir.
"Stars?"
"Yes, sir."
"What about them? I was merely directing your attention to them, sir. Look how the floor of heaven is thick inlaid with patines of bright gold. Theres not the smallest orb which thou beholdest, sir, but in his motion like an angel sings, still quiring to the young-eyed cherubims.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Joy in the Morning

“You know, with the most charitable feelings towards him, there are moments when you can't help thinking that young Bingo ought to be in some sort of a home.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, The Inimitable Jeeves

“The kid is a pest, a wart, and a pot of poison, and should be strangled!”
― P.G. Wodehouse, The Inimitable Jeeves

“Jeeves tells me you want to talk to me about something,' I said.

'Eh?' said Bingo, with a start. 'Oh yes, yes. Yes.'

I waited for him to unleash the topic of the day, but he didn't seem to want to get along. Conversation languished. He stared straight ahead of him in a glassy sort of manner.

'I say, Bertie,' he said, after a pause of about an hour and a quarter.

'Hallo!'

'Do you like the name Mabel?'

'No.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, The Inimitable Jeeves

“- Were you never a child?
- Briefly, sir. The predicament proved unavoidable.”
― Ben Schott, Jeeves and the Leap of Faith

“The boy is a flier."

"How do you know?"

Jeeves coughed, and there was a dreamy look in his eye.

"I was as much astonished as yourself, sir, when I first became aware of the lad's capabilities. I happened to pursue him one morning with the intention of fetching him a clip on the side of the head-”
― P.G.Wodehouse

“- But tell me, who was that queer cove with the spool of twine and the German accent?
- The Austrian accent? Jeeves gently corrected. I may be mistaken, sir, but I think that was the philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein.
- So not an unhinged gardener?
- Dr Wittgenstein is the author of the Tractatus.
- A short history of farm machinery in the Ukraine?
- The Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus, sir, concerns itself with a picture theory of language.”
― Ben Schott, Jeeves and the Leap of Faith

“- But tell me, who was that queer cove with the spool of twine and the German accent?
- The Austrian accent? Jeeves gently corrected. I may be mistaken, sir, but I think that was the philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein.
- So not an unhinged gardener?
- Dr Wittgenstein is the author of the Tractatus.
- A short history of farm machinery in the Ukraine?
- The Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus, sir, concerns itself with a picture theory of language.”
― Ben Schott, Jeeves and the Leap of Faith