Cat Humor Quotes

“Cats, like butterflies, need no excuse.”
― Robert A. Heinlein

“Well. I am not afraid. But to protect you, Katerina, I will be discreet." Plain Kate considered a cat's idea of discretion, and was frightened.”
― Erin Bow, Plain Kate

“The word of a cat is not to be relied upon.”
― Robin Hobb, Fool's Quest

“As soon as I open this door, I'll be free. FREE! No more goofy cats screaming in my face and eating my shoes. No more biting and scratching and chasing me down the street. Outside this door is a big, wonderful world where goofy cats don't turn into furry whirlwinds that hit me on the head with a spatula. And soon I will be a part of that world once again!”
― Nick Bruel , Bad Kitty vs Uncle Murray: The Uproar at the Front Door

“She set the tray down on the table in the sitting area -- which instantly perked up Galahad's ears.

Roarke simply pointed a warning finger that had the cat shooting up a leg to wash as if a morning ablution had been his only intention.”
― J.D. Robb, Obsession in Death

“The world would probably be better if people were put in carriers and cats roamed free.”
― Mary Matthews, Splendid Summer

“Roarke pointed a finger at Galahad who'd begun his crouch toward the berries. The cat turned his head toward the screen as if suddenly enraptured by the financial new.”
― J.D. Robb, Indulgence in Death

“Wait a minute. Wait just a hairball kakking minute.”
― Jody Wallace, The Whole Truth

“Wasn't growing catnip in one's yard the kitty equivalent of giving candy to children?”
― Caroline Paul, Lost Cat: A True Story of Love, Desperation, and GPS Technology

“Never in a million years did she expect to be doing her first real mission with Agent Ace Knight, the number one spy in history!”
― Austin Stack, Kat Doggers: Superspy: Book 1 of the Kat Doggers Series

“How else would you be able to talk, kitten-cat, if you were not thinking, hmmm?' said George to his charge.

But it was Francois...who answered:

...'Ah oui...but there are a lot of two-legs [people] who do not think very much at all but who always seem to do most of the talking.'" (p124)”
― Jem Vanston

“Some people have cats. I have a lion.”
― Julia Vee, Ebony Gate

“The most evident life was cats, for cats refused to comply with instructions in the best of times, and they saw to their own safety faster than the ordinary human narcissist could blink.”
― Gregory Maguire, The Brides of Maracoor

“Many people kennel train their dogs when they first take them home. Many people don’t carrier train their cats. They shove their cat into a carrier, have the cat panicking in the carrier, and then expect their vet to deal with the cat that’s fighting tooth and nail (pun intended). There needs to be a shift in mentality regarding cats and their carriers. Cats can be trained, and they can benefit from the safety and comfort of their carriers too.”
― Mansum Yau, The Ins and Outs of Cat Carriers: A Veterinarian's Guide to Cat Carriers

“In one universe, the human race disappeared. It wasn’t an event of controversy among felinekind because most agreed, “Good riddance.”
― Annabelle Nash

“Catterton Cats abide by the rules,
Either writing or dancing in their afternoons
Because that’s how it’s done, that’s all that—
That’s how a cat is an aristocrat!”
― Annabelle Nash, Catterton

“In one universe, the human race disappeared. It wasn’t an event of controversy among felinekind because most agreed, 'Good riddance.”
― Annabelle Nash, Catterton

“But somehow, I sensed it would be better to wait and see what happened before jumping immediately to murder.

In fact, if you are reading this and feeling like murder is possibly your only choice, I urge you to wait. Just wait and see. Perhaps you will not need to kill anyone. You never know.”
― Kate Lexie, Do Not Pet the King

“Asinine Feline
by Stewart Stafford

I had a kitten, I was smitten,
I was smitten with this kitten,
When I was sittin', it was hittin',
Once shy, but twice bitten.

© 2026 Stewart Stafford. All rights reserved.”
― Stewart Stafford