Discussion Quotes

“Don't raise your voice, improve your argument."

[Address at the Nelson Mandela Foundation in Houghton, Johannesburg, South Africa, 23 November 2004]”
― Desmond Tutu

“Elinor agreed to it all, for she did not think he deserved the compliment of rational opposition.”
― Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility

“Discussion is impossible with someone who claims not to seek the truth, but already to possess it.”
― Romain Rolland, Above The Battle

“In one case out of a hundred a point is excessively discussed because it is obscure; in the ninety-nine remaining it is obscure because it is excessively discussed.”
― Edgar Allen Poe

“In fact, the more each person can remove his or her ego from the discussion and focus on the subject matter, the more fruitful the conversation will be for all involved.”
― Matthew Kelly, The Seven Levels of Intimacy: The Art of Loving and the Joy of Being Loved

“There is hardly a better way to avoid discussion than by releasing an argument from the control of the present and by saying that only the future will reveal its merits.”
― Hannah Arendt, The Origins of Totalitarianism

“I think there's a difference between (a) offending people for its own sake, which I don't necessarily want to do, because some people are good and decent and it would be unkind to upset them simply to indulge my own self-importance, and (b) challenging their prejudices, their preconceptions, or their comfortable assumptions. I'm very happy to do that. But we need to be on our guard when people say they're offended. No one actually has the right to go through life without being offended. Some people think they can say "such-and-such offends me" and that will stop the "offensive" words or behaviour and force the "offender" to apologise. I'm very much against that tactic. No one should be able to shut down discussion by making their feelings more important than the search for truth. If such people are offended, they should put up with it.”
― Philip Pullman

“Do you know, the only people I can have a conversation with are the Jews? At least when they quote scripture at you they are not merely repeating something some priest has babbled in their ear. They have the great merit of disagreeing with nearly everything I say. In fact, they disagree with almost everything they say themselves. And most importantly, they don't think that shouting strengthens their argument.”
― Iain Pears, The Dream of Scipio

“[Responding to the Bishop of Oxford, Samuel Wilberforce's question whether he traced his descent from an ape on his mother's or his father's side]

A man has no reason to be ashamed of having an ape for his grandfather. If there were an ancestor whom I should feel shame in recalling it would rather be a man—a man of restless and versatile intellect—who … plunges into scientific questions with which he has no real acquaintance, only to obscure them by an aimless rhetoric, and distract the attention of his hearers from the real point at issue by eloquent digressions and skilled appeals to religious prejudice.”
― Thomas Huxley

“You must be able to say, with reasonable certainty, "I understand," before you can say "I agree," or "I disagree," or "I suspend judgment.”
― Mortimer J. Adler, How to Read a Book: The Classic Guide to Intelligent Reading

“Discussion is an exchange of knowledge; argument an exchange of ignorance.”
― Robert Quillen

“[Doubt] is not a new idea; this is the idea of the age of reason. This is the philosophy that guided the men who made the democracy that we live under. The idea that no one really knew how to run a government led to the idea that we should arrange a system by which new ideas could be developed, tried out, and tossed out if necessary, with more new ideas bought in - a trial-and-error system. This method was a result of the fact that science was already showing itself to be a successful venture at the end of the eighteenth century. Even then it was clear to socially minded people that the openness of possibilities was an opportunity, and that doubt and discussion were essential to progress into the unknown. If we want to solve a problem that we have never solved before, we must leave the door to the unknown ajar...doubt is not to be feared, but welcomed and discussed.”
― Richard P. Feynman

“Instead of seeing how much pain I can dish out towards those I disagree with, or who I believe have done me wrong, I seek to follow the golden rule and use my words and behavior to create more of what the world needs – love, compassion, and connection.”
― Aspen Baker

“The decision is your own voice, an opinion is the echo of someone else's voice.”
― Amit Kalantri, Wealth of Words

“A lively discussion is usually helpful, because the hottest fire makes the hardest steel.”
― Tom Clancy, Debt of Honor

“The real purpose of the opposition is to minimize the amount of money the ruling party will have stolen from the people at the end of its term.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Priusquam autem ad creationem, hoc est ad finem omnis disputationis, veniamus: tentanda omnia existimo.

However, before we come to [special] creation, which puts an end to all discussion: I think we should try everything else.”
― Johannes Kepler, Johannes Kepler New Astronomy

“Wenn ich den Eindruck hätte, dass in dem, was Sie da sagen, auch nur ein Körnchen Vernunft steckt, würde ich mir vielleicht die Mühe machen, mich auf eine solche Diskussion einzulassen. Aber wie die Dinge liegen, werde ich einfach an etwas anderes denken, während Sie weiter vor sich hin plappern.”
― Kazuo Ishiguro, The Remains of the Day

“Some of these things I understand, some I do not.
It makes no difference.
The discussions give me an excuse to talk to him, fatherly conversations I cannot have with my father, who would like me to be a lawyer.”
― Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life's Greatest Lesson

“This remarkable narrative has to be assessed beyond merely the colourful details added later by imaginative biographers. What the dialogue actually represented—and that is the reason why it was projected as such an important part of Shankara’s life—was to assert the primacy of thought over ritual, at a time when precisely the opposite seemed to be given more importance by Hindus. The sixth and the seventh centuries CE saw a revival of Hinduism, and the relative decline of Buddhism. However, a part of this revival was excessively focused on Puranic mythology, and the mechanical performance of Vedic ritualism. Somewhere in all of this, there was a divorce from the loftiness of thought that was the essential substratum of the Hindu vision. In the pursuit of how exactly to perform a ritual as per precise Vedic injunctions, the glorious mystical insights of the Upanishads had been overwhelmed. Temples were flourishing, but there was a disconnect between the motions of worship and the philosophical foundations underlying it. There was the need to once again reassert the jnana marga to salvation, to relink Hinduism to its metaphysical insights, and restore to it the grandeur of thought and contemplation. That was the manifest purpose of Shankara, and there could be no better metaphor to project it than his victory in a debate over Mandana Mishra. Indeed, there is little doubt that Mishra’s defeat must have made a major impact on the beliefs and practice of Hinduism across India. Even without modern means of communication, the progress of the debate and the intricacies of the arguments, witnessed by thousands of people, would have spread by word of mouth to tens of thousands more across the length and breadth of the country. The debate, when seen in the historical context of the evolution of Hinduism, further institutionalised, at the highest level of learning, the importance of dialogue, discussion and discourse—not coercion, violence or acrimony.”
― Pavan K. Varma, The Great Hindu Civilisation: Achievement, Neglect, Bias and the Way Forward

“The only hope is to keep political controversy on a plane where exhaustive discussion is possible.”
― George Orwell, Homage to Catalonia

“This week I’ve been reflecting on a passage from my novel, The Time In Between:
‘Dreams don’t carry over calendars. They don’t leave behind the scent of sandalwood or the sound of applause echoing in the back of your mind. They don’t make you wake up wondering if you’ve left a version of yourself behind in another life.’

Have you ever had a dream that felt too real — like it belonged to another version of you? I’d love to hear your thoughts.”
― Val Chromos, The Time In Between

“Look at how Daddy and the Seal talk," Anne Mom would say to Vera. "Look at their body language, so relaxed." "Friendship must get a lot easier when you can start to drink," Vera remarked....”
― Gary Shteyngart, Vera, or Faith

“The growth of knowledge depends entirely upon disagreement.”
― Nancy Lavoie

“Intelligent, thoughtful discussion has become a lost art. Be someone who excites the minds & nourishes the souls along your path.”
― Nancy Lavoie

“The world has enough critics. Instead be curious & ask questions. Then everyone will have learned something new.”
― Nancy Lavoie

“When I advocated resistance I certainly didn't mean that," said Curtis, looking guiltily over at the little blue dot.

"What did you mean?" said Carol.

“Well, I meant some, ah, conversational resistance,” Curtis said, blinking nervously. “A period during which we would say challenging but polite things, things which might cause them to possibly consider reassessing their positions vis-à-vis us.”
― George Saunders, The Brief and Frightening Reign of Phil

“Mitchell waited, a habit. Whenever someone began a new conversation, it was best to see how it developed before joining it.”
― William Melvin Kelley, Dem

“Being a mediocre conversationalist is easy. Being a good conversationalist is hard. As I’ve tried to understand how to become a better conversationalist, I’ve found that I’ve had to overcome weird ideas about what a good conversationalist is like. A lot of people think a good conversationalist is someone who can tell funny stories. That’s a raconteur, but it’s not a conversationalist. A lot of people think a good conversationalist is someone who can offer piercing insights on a range of topics. That’s a lecturer, but not a conversationalist. A good conversationalist is a master of fostering a two-way exchange. A good conversationalist is capable of leading people on a mutual expedition toward understanding.”
― David Brooks, How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen

“Big questions interrupt the daily routines people fall into and prompt them to step back and see their life from a distance. Here are some of my favorite questions that do that:

• “What crossroads are you at?” At any moment, most of us are in the middle of some transition. The question helps people focus on theirs.
• “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” Most people know that fear plays some role in their life, but they haven’t clearly defined how fear is holding them back.
• “If you died tonight, what would you regret not doing?”
• “If we meet a year from now, what will we be celebrating?”
• “If the next five years is a chapter in your life, what is that chapter about?”
• “Can you be yourself where you are and still fit in?”

Peter Block is an author and consultant who writes about community development and civic engagement. He is a master at coming up with questions that lift you out of your ruts and invite fresh reevaluations. Here are some of his: “What is the no, or refusal, you keep postponing? ... What have you said yes to that you no longer really believe in? ... What forgiveness are you withholding? ... How have you contributed to the problem you’re trying to solve? ... What is the gift you currently hold in exile?”

Mónica Guzmán, the journalist I quoted in the last chapter, asks people, “Why you?” Why was it you who started that business? Why was it you who felt a responsibility to run for the school board?

A few years ago, I met some guys who run a program for gang members in Chicago. These young men have endured a lot of violence and trauma and are often triggered to overreact. One of the program directors’ common questions is “Why is that a problem for you?” In other words they are asking, “What event in your past produced that strong reaction just now?”

We too often think that deep conversations have to be painful or vulnerable conversations. I try to compensate for that by asking questions about the positive sides of life:

“Tell me about a time you adapted to change.”
“What’s working really well in your life?”
“What are you most self-confident about?”
“Which of your five senses is strongest?”
“Have you ever been solitary without feeling lonely?” or
“What has become clearer to you as you have aged?”
― David Brooks, How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen