Deep Conversation Quotes

“The real substance is at the bottom of the sea. That's where the mystery unfolds. The deepest part of your heart is like the deepest part of the ocean, and when someone is brave enough to go there, it's worth sharing the treasures buried deeply within.”
― Niedria Dionne Kenny , Love, Lust and Regrets: While the lights were off

“A heart to heart conversation needs two hearts.”
― Garima Soni - words world

“Big questions interrupt the daily routines people fall into and prompt them to step back and see their life from a distance. Here are some of my favorite questions that do that:

• “What crossroads are you at?” At any moment, most of us are in the middle of some transition. The question helps people focus on theirs.
• “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” Most people know that fear plays some role in their life, but they haven’t clearly defined how fear is holding them back.
• “If you died tonight, what would you regret not doing?”
• “If we meet a year from now, what will we be celebrating?”
• “If the next five years is a chapter in your life, what is that chapter about?”
• “Can you be yourself where you are and still fit in?”

Peter Block is an author and consultant who writes about community development and civic engagement. He is a master at coming up with questions that lift you out of your ruts and invite fresh reevaluations. Here are some of his: “What is the no, or refusal, you keep postponing? ... What have you said yes to that you no longer really believe in? ... What forgiveness are you withholding? ... How have you contributed to the problem you’re trying to solve? ... What is the gift you currently hold in exile?”

Mónica Guzmán, the journalist I quoted in the last chapter, asks people, “Why you?” Why was it you who started that business? Why was it you who felt a responsibility to run for the school board?

A few years ago, I met some guys who run a program for gang members in Chicago. These young men have endured a lot of violence and trauma and are often triggered to overreact. One of the program directors’ common questions is “Why is that a problem for you?” In other words they are asking, “What event in your past produced that strong reaction just now?”

We too often think that deep conversations have to be painful or vulnerable conversations. I try to compensate for that by asking questions about the positive sides of life:

“Tell me about a time you adapted to change.”
“What’s working really well in your life?”
“What are you most self-confident about?”
“Which of your five senses is strongest?”
“Have you ever been solitary without feeling lonely?” or
“What has become clearer to you as you have aged?”
― David Brooks, How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen