False Self Quotes

“Let us not give way to the temptations of a false self and the illusions of an inflated reality, but let us highlight our deeper self's authenticity and forward the truth of our words and the straightness of our actions. ("With confidence")”
― Erik Pevernagie

“We have the choice of two identities: the external mask which seems to be real...and the hidden, inner person who seems to us to be nothing, but who can give himself eternally to the truth in whom he subsists. (295)”
― Thomas Merton, New Seeds of Contemplation

“There's no weakness as great as false strength.”
― Stefan Molyneux

“Beginning in infancy (or even before) each of us, in response to perceived threats to our well-being, develops a false self: a set of protective behaviors driven at root by a sense of need and lack. The essence of the false self is driven, addictive energy, consisting of tremendous emotional investment in compensatory "emotional programs for happiness," as Keating calls them.”
― Cynthia Bourgeault, Centering Prayer and Inner Awakening

“Our need to be "greater than" or "less than" has been a defense against toxic shame. A shameful act was committed upon us. The perpetrator walked away, leaving us with the shame. We absorbed the notion that we are somehow defective. To cover for this we constructed a false self, a masked self. And it is this self that is the overachiever or the dunce, the tramp or the puritan, the powermonger or the pathetic loser.”
― Maureen Brady, Beyond Survival: A Writing Journey for Healing Childhood Sexual Abuse

“We're in the presence of a good story when the flaw that shatters shalom is also the doorway to redemption... Whether it be our own flaw or the sin of others, God uses the raw material of sin to create the edifice of his redeemed glory.

The point cannot be overemphasized: your plight is also your redemption. The Bible assumes that its stories are also our story... We are Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Their stories are a paradigm of our own. Each of us is called, redeemed, and exiled - again and again.”
― Dan B. Allender, To Be Told: God Invites You to Coauthor Your Future

“One of our greatest failures in our busy, driven culture is that we don't celebrate the temporary untying of a complex narrative...What is your style of celebrating an ending? Do you only throw large parties after someone graduates, gets married, or dies? If so, then all the other endings in your story are lost in the wake of another day's busyness. Perhaps one of the reasons you and I don't party well, is that we don't know what to do with the tragedies that linger in our life...Can you imagine receiving an invitation "JOIN ME IN A CELEBRATION OF NO LONGER BELIEVING I'M STUPID"?

We don't allow endings to be noted, let alone celebrated. Therefore we never allow denouement to be invigorate the upward movement of a new story.”
― Dan B. Allender, To Be Told: God Invites You to Coauthor Your Future

“If you feel the need to make someone feel less assured of themselves or have to call another person out, you may gain a false sense of superiority.”
― Kristin Michelle Elizabeth

“A life coach? What does that mean? It doesn’t mean anything, does it?

So they ‘coach’ people on how to live their lives? Why don’t they mind their own fucking business? They only call themselves life coaches because they can’t get a job. Because they’re unemployable. And they haven’t got any qualifications either. Do you think they went to Uni to study life coaching? Of course they didn’t.

And who do they coach anyway? Do people go to them and ask to be coached on their lives? I hardly think so. They’d see a psychiatrist or a psychologist or someone with a bit of clout, wouldn’t they?

They don’t coach anybody at all, do they? They’ve made it all up.

So, there you have it. At the bottom end of the otherworldly, metaphysical scale, even less developed spiritually than Orphans or Horace, are Life Coaches.”
― Karl Wiggins, Wrong Planet - Searching for your Tribe

“In those moments of unnaming when we have lost ourselves, we must remember to return to our past redemptions to find God's mark of glory on our abandonment, betrayal, and shame. We wrongly believe that we will be happy if we can escape the past. But without our past we are hollow and plastic beings who have only common names and conventional stories. When we enter into our story at the point we lost our name, we are most likely to hear the whisper of our new name.”
― Dan B. Allender, To Be Told: God Invites You to Coauthor Your Future

“If we enter our story in heartache, we will hear the whisper of the name that will one day be ours.”
― Dan B. Allender, To Be Told: God Invites You to Coauthor Your Future

“So we grow up in a sea of stories told in a way that fits what we want others to know about us. The stories told in most families are a kind of propaganda. The tragedy is that often these stories are simply a form of dis-information...
But our families name us without knowing the consequences. So our life is a journey to discover our true name, though; sadly many of us never choose to begin that search.”
― Dan B. Allender, To Be Told: God Invites You to Coauthor Your Future

“Tragedy always moves our story forward in a way shalom could never accomplish.”
― Dan B. Allender, To Be Told: God Invites You to Coauthor Your Future

“When I get honest I admit that I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and I get discouraged. I love and I hate; I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I am trusting and suspicious. I am honest, and I still play games. Aristotle said I am a rational animal. I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer.”
― Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel

“I imagine everyone wears layered masks, and parades around a variety or panoply of false selves depending on the occasion.”
― Wendy Hoffman, White Witch in a Black Robe: A True Story About Criminal Mind Control

“To some extent, most of us are unconsciously driven by our ego-ideal. The ego-ideal is simply a set of ideas in the mind about how we should show up, how we should look, feel, behave, think. This collection of ideas and mental images is created out of fragments of highly charged experiences with important love objects in our lives, and out of the messages we receive in our interactions with the world as we grow. It remains mostly out of our awareness. The blueprint for the ego-ideal is first laid down by parental injunctions about how to be, or how not to be. These highly charged messages are taken in whole. They become the foundation of our scripts for life. The ego-ideal is certainly capable of modification and change, but for most of us it's deeply hardwired into our unconscious by the time we enter early adulthood, and it matures only marginally in later life.”
― Stephen Cope, Yoga and the Quest for the True Self

“In every story, in every life, there are moments of death that take away our name and rename us as strangers, orphans or widows. At the moment of being unnamed, we are thrown into our story. We lose the name Friend and are given the name Reject.”
― Dan B. Allender, To Be Told: God Invites You to Coauthor Your Future

“The shattering [of shalom] moves us from a place of shalom to a place that is harsh and unrelenting. The shattering brings us a keen awareness that we are alone and in danger. We are on our own.”
― Dan B. Allender, To Be Told: God Invites You to Coauthor Your Future

“Our story will gain momentum and depth only to the degree that we honestly embrace both loss and fear.”
― Dan B. Allender, To Be Told: God Invites You to Coauthor Your Future

“...you can be assured that the inciting events call for you to sacrifice your comfort and ease in order for your story to move forward. It's easy to ignore such inciting events...It's easy to flee your story.”
― Dan B. Allender, To Be Told: God Invites You to Coauthor Your Future

“A person whom fails to conquer oneself will always live in fear, and experiences life filled with conflict and emotional storms. Fearfulness prevents a person from perceiving reality and ever knowing oneself. Unable to cope with fear and uncertainty, a person resorts to denial, repression, compromise, and hides behind the mask of a false self.”
― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls

“I imagine everyone wears layered masks, and parades around a variety or panoply of false selves depending on the occasion. Normal people do that out of their own insecurities and ambitions. Mind-controlled people are hollow because their minds were taken away from them. Their controllers instruct these shells of people about what to do and when. Theirs is institutionalized, manufactured falsity.”
― Wendy Hoffman, White Witch in a Black Robe: A True Story About Criminal Mind Control

“Your True Self is who you objectively are from the beginning, in the mind and heart of God, "the face you had before you were born," as the Zen masters say. It is your substantial self, your absolute identify, which can never be gained nor lost by any technique, group affiliation, morality, or formula whatsoever. The surrendering of our false self, which we have usually taken for our absolute identity, yet is merely a relative identity, is the necessary suffering needed to find "the pearl of great price" that is always hidden inside this lovely but passing shell.”
― Richard Rohr, Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life

“But I guess you have to get cracked wide open and exposed raw to become your best self. Nothing is transformed that is not discovered or exposed. And we are all constant imperfection in a state of evolution until we leave this place. It seems important to acknowledge that none of us, not even the greatest gurus of our time, are completely transformed. It's a great unraveling across a lifetime that is only accessed by the cracks in our ever-present false selves.”
― Jennifer DeLucy

“The False Self constructs all sorts of layers of ego and angst and striving and foolishness, while the True Self, deep at the center of a person, waits for the time when the False Self will die and allow the real life to begin.”
― Vinita Hampton Wright, The Art of Spiritual Writing: How to Craft Prose That Engages and Inspires Your Readers

“We dislike matter, that is ourselves, because we are destined to matter, because anonymous matter is called death. Perhaps it isn't matter we dislike, perhaps it's anonymity. The anonymity to which we are destined - the loss of name - is what we repress at any price.”
― Hélène Cixous

“The term disorder of the self is descriptive of a personality disorder because these patients are out of touch with themselves. They identify themselves with a facade, a false defensive self that they have developed to adapt to a world that they perceive as hostile.”
― Philip Manfield, Split Self/Split Object

“The more one-sided a society's observance of strict moral principles such as orderliness, cleanliness, and hostility toward instinctual drives, and the more deep-seated its fear of the other side of human nature vitality, spontaneity, sensuality, critical judgment, and inner independence the more strenuous will be its efforts to isolate this hidden territory, to surround it with silence or institutionalize it. Prostitution, the pornography trade, and the almost obligatory obscenity typical of traditionally all-male groups such as the military are part of the legalized, even requisite reverse side of this cleanliness and order. Splitting of the human being into two parts, one that is good, meek, conforming, and obedient and the other that is the diametrical opposite is perhaps as old as the human race, and one could simply say that it is part of "human nature." Yet it has been my experience that when people have had the opportunity to seek and live out their true self in analysis, this split disappears of itself. They perceive both sides, the conforming as well as the so-called obscene, as two extremes of the false self, which they now no longer need. (...) This case and similar ones make me wonder if it will not one day be possible to let children grow up in such a way that they can later have more respect for all sides of their nature and not be forced to suppress the forbidden sides to the point where they must be lived out in violent and obscene ways. Obscenity and cruelty are not a true liberation from compulsive behavior but are its by-products. Free sexuality is never obscene, nor does violence ever result if a person is able to deal openly with his or her aggressive impulses, to acknowledge feelings such as anger and rage as responses to real frustration, hurt, and humiliation. How can it have come about that the split I have just described is attributed to human nature as a matter of course even though there is evidence that it can be overcome without any great effort of will and without legislating morality? The only explanation I can find is that these two sides are perpetuated in the way children are raised and treated at a very early age, and the accompanying split between them is therefore regarded as "human nature." The "good" false self is the result of what is called socialization, of adapting to society's norms, consciously and intentionally passed on by the parents; the "bad", equally false self is rooted in the child's earliest observations of parental behavior, visible only to the child's devoted, unsuspecting eyes and stored up in his or her unconscious, this behavior is what comes to be regarded, generation after generation, as "human nature".”
― Alice Miller

“There's only one thing worse than the egoic me, and that's the egoic us.”
― Eckhart Tolle, Living a Life of Inner Peace

“REVERSAL
The reversal to mastery is to deny its existence or its importance, and therefore the need to strive for it in any way. But such a reversal can only lead to feelings of powerlessness and disappointment. This reversal leads to enslavement to what we shall call the false self.
Your false self is the accumulation of all the voices you have internalized from other people—parents and friends who want you to conform to their ideas of what you should be like and what you should do, as well as societal pressures to adhere to certain values that can easily seduce you. It also includes the voice of your own ego, which constantly tries to protect you from unflattering truths. This self talks to you in clear words, and when it comes to mastery, it says things like, “Mastery is for the geniuses, the exceptionally talented, the freaks of nature. I was simply not born that way.” Or it says, “Mastery is ugly and immoral. It is for those who are ambitious and egotistical. Better to accept my lot in life and to work to help other people instead of enriching myself.” Or it might say, “Success is all luck. Those we call Masters are only people who were at the right place at the right time. I could easily be in their place if I had a lucky break.” Or it might also say, “To work for so long at something that requires so much pain and effort, why bother? Better to enjoy my short life and do what I can to get by.”
As you must know by now, these voices do not speak the truth.
Mastery is not a question of genetics or luck, but of following your natural inclinations and the deep desire that stirs you from within. Everyone has such inclinations. This desire within you is not motivated by egotism or sheer ambition for power, both of which are emotions that get in the way of mastery. It is instead a deep expression of something natural, something that marked you at birth as unique. In following your inclinations and moving toward mastery, you make a great contribution to society, enriching it with discoveries and insights, and making the most of the diversity in nature and among human society. It is in fact the height of selfishness to merely consume what others create and to retreat into a shell of limited goals and immediate pleasures. Alienating yourself from your inclinations can only lead to pain and disappointment in the long run, and a sense that you have wasted something unique. This pain will beexpressed in bitterness and envy, and you will not recognize the true source of your depression.”
― Robert Greene, Mastery