Flatulence Quotes

“Of all the various kinds of sexual intercourse, this has the least to recommend it. As an amusement, it is too fleeting; as an occupation, it is too wearing; as a public exhibition, there is no money in it. It is unsuited to the drawing room, and in the most cultured society it has long been banished from the social board. It has at last, in our day of progress and improvement, been degraded to brotherhood with flatulence. Among the best bred, these two arts are now indulged in only private--though by consent of the whole company, when only males are present, it is still permissible, in good society, to remove the embargo on the fundamental sigh.”
― Mark Twain, On Masturbation

“He pivoted on one buttock and broke wind. Dukhi leaned back to allow it free passage, wondering what penalty might adhere to the offence of interfering with the waft of brahminical flatus.”
― Rohinton Mistry, A Fine Balance

“The simplest strategy for bouts of noxious flatus is to not care. Or perhaps to take advantage of a gastroenterologist I know: get a dog. (To blame.)”
― Mary Roach, Gulp: Adventures on the Alimentary Canal

“Cigars are all the rage, dad. You should smoke cigars!" - Calvin

"Flatulence could be all the rage, but it would still be disgusting." - Calvin's mom”
― Bill Watterson, There's Treasure Everywhere

“…he was doing a breath hydrogen test. If you know the amount of hydrogen someone is exhaling orally, it's a simple matter to extrapolate the amount they're exhaling rectally. This is because a fixed percentage of hydrogen produced in the colon is absorbed into the blood and, and when it reaches the lungs, exhaled. The breath hydrogen test has given flatus researchers a simple, consistent measure of gas production that does not require the subject to fart into a balloon.”
― Mary Roach, Gulp: Adventures on the Alimentary Canal

“She was dry. She was lying on something soft. She was wrapped in quilts. There was a star of light drifting above her, and a smell like a herb garden. Taggle was a long warmth stretched out at one side, his chin in her hand, his tail curled over her neck. She thought they might be in heaven.
Taggle farted.
Plain Kate coughed and sneezed. And then she really was awake.”
― Erin Bow

“I swear by the self-assurance with which elderly men sitting in public tilt sideways to allow the gas to escape loudly.”
― Pawan Mishra, Coinman: An Untold Conspiracy

“My nights are flatulent and unquiet.”
― Samuel Johnson

“Coinman lets out another legendary explosive from his hindquarters!”
― Pawan Mishra, Coinman: An Untold Conspiracy

“Leaning forward in the chair, Harley squeezed out a controlled fart, so no one could hear it. This damn reception area was like a echo chamber. If he weren’t careful, it could reverberate around the hall like a shotgun blast.”
― Alan Kinross, Longinus The Vampire: Redemption

“I don't know the ultimate fate of a suppressed fart.”
― Mary Roach, Gulp: Adventures on the Alimentary Canal

“I can’t stop farting, and I’m scared. This is worse than insomnia.”
― @realbugsycat

“But in his excitement and having eaten too fast, Henri gave himself away in an all too familiar fashion. In the front seat, both the Chief Inspector and Isabelle Lacoste cracked open their windows, preferring the bitter cold outside to what threatened to melt the upholstery inside.

'Does he do that often,' she gasped.

'It's a sign of affection, I'm told,' said the Chief, not meeting her eyes, 'a compliment.' Gamache paused, turning his head to window. 'A great compliment.'

Isabelle Lacoste smiled. She was used to similar compliments from her husband and now their young son. She wondered why the Y chromosome was so smelly.”
― Louise Penny, How the Light Gets In