Farting Quotes

“A whizzpopper!" cried the BFG, beaming at her. "Us giants is making whizzpoppers all the time! Whizzpopping is a sign of happiness. It is music in our ears! You surely is not telling me that a little whizzpopping if forbidden among human beans?”
― Roald Dahl, The BFG

“Home is where the heart is, home is where the fart is.
Come let us fart in the home.
There is no art in a fart.
Still a fart may not be artless.
Let us fart and artless fart in the home.”
― Ernest Hemingway, 88 Poems

“He that lives upon hope will die farting.”
― Benjamin Franklin, Fart Proudly: Writings of Benjamin Franklin You Never Read in School

“Nothing is more conspicuous than a farting princess.”
― Jack Vance, Suldrun's Garden

“Of all the various kinds of sexual intercourse, this has the least to recommend it. As an amusement, it is too fleeting; as an occupation, it is too wearing; as a public exhibition, there is no money in it. It is unsuited to the drawing room, and in the most cultured society it has long been banished from the social board. It has at last, in our day of progress and improvement, been degraded to brotherhood with flatulence. Among the best bred, these two arts are now indulged in only private--though by consent of the whole company, when only males are present, it is still permissible, in good society, to remove the embargo on the fundamental sigh.”
― Mark Twain, On Masturbation

“Farting, don't think, just fart.”
― John Cage, M: Writings '67–'72

“I would like to believe in the myth that we grow wiser with age. In a sense my disbelief is wisdom. Those of a middle generation, if charitable or sentimental, subscribe to the wisdom myth, while the callous see us as dispensable objects, like broken furniture or dead flowers. For the young we scarcely exist unless we are unavoidable members of the same family, farting, slobbering, perpetually mislaying teeth and bifocals.”
― Patrick White, Three Uneasy Pieces

“This Nicholas anon leet fle a fart
As greet as it had been a thonder-dent,
That with the strook he was almoost yblent;
And he was redy with his iren hoot,
And Nicholas amydde the ers he smoot.
Of gooth the skyn an hande-brede aboute,
The hoote kultour brende so his toute,
And for the smert he wende for to dye.”
― Geoffrey Chaucer, The Miller's Prologue and Tale

“I had to admit it was adorable. You know, in a unicorns-farting-out-rainbows kind of way that made me want to hurl.”
― Gemma Halliday, Hollywood Scandals

“A celebrity farts, and everyone endures, but the unpopular will be thrased to death.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson

“Penny: Oh my God, Blakely. I’ve had to fart so bad, and Eli finally left the room. Why is this happening to me? I snort so hard, droplets of snot fly out of my nose. Oh shit, she’s going to be absolutely mortified when she realizes she sent the text to the wrong person. And we just moved past the awkwardness. I have a feeling this might set us back. But . . . I chuckle.”
― Meghan Quinn, Those Three Little Words

“However, neither occasion quite matched the levels of hilarity that ensued on the day Mr Miller sat on the corner of his desk and farted it to pieces.”
― Simon Pegg, Nerd Do Well

“... "shagging" - a quasi-comical activity, like belching or farting, except it was more taboo and more necessary than these.”
― Amit Chaudhuri, Friend of My Youth

“And never farting pointed to guilt in the courthouse of my mind.”
― Andrew Smith

“I don't know the ultimate fate of a suppressed fart.”
― Mary Roach, Gulp: Adventures on the Alimentary Canal

“No adult is ever too far from a fart.”
― VKBoy, Shambala Sect

“Farting is as natural as gas light and should not be frowned upon (unless it's one of those putrid puffs, upon which frown away and immediately seek shelter), or indeed lit (unless we've reached the televised stage of a talent show).”
― Martin Boronte, I Mean It, Daphne!

“With his arms swinging he stretches twice. Spade work has bent his stocky frame. At the end of the second stretch, he farts. It's his ritual.”
― Jean Giono, Colline

“Humans Perform The Act of Farting Daily.

I just wrote a book about it.

Parviz”
― Parviz Shirmohammadi, The Art of Farting : How Fart Changed the World

“Farts are a repressed minority. The mouth gets to say all kinds of things, but the other place is supposed to keep quiet. But maybe our lower colons have something interesting to say. Maybe we should listen to them. Farts are human, more human than a lot of people I know. I think we should bring them out of the water closet and into the parlor, and that’s what I did in Blazing Saddles.”
― Mel Brooks

“We are right to note the licence and disobedience of this member which thrusts itself forward so inopportunely when we do not want it to, and which so inopportunely lets us down when we most need it; it imperiously contests for authority with our will: it stubbornly and proudly refuses all our incitements, both mental and manual. Yet if this member were arraigned for rebelliousness, found guilty because of it and then retained me to plead its cause, I would doubtless cast suspicion on our other members for having deliberately brought a trumped-up charge, plotting to arm everybody against it and maliciously accusing it alone of a defect common to them all. I ask you to reflect whether there is one single part of our body which does not often refuse to function when we want it to, yet does so when we want it not to. Our members have emotions proper to themselves which arouse them or quieten them down without leave from us. How often do compelling facial movements bear witness to thoughts which we were keeping secret, so betraying us to those who are with us? The same causes which animate that member animate – without our knowledge – the heart, the lungs and the pulse: the sight of some pleasant object can imperceptibly spread right through us the flame of a feverish desire. Is it only the veins and muscles of that particular member which rise or fall without the consent of our will or even of our very thoughts? We do not command our hair to stand on end with fear nor our flesh to quiver with desire. Our hands often go where we do not tell them; our tongues can fail, our voices congeal, when they want to. Even when we have nothing for the pot and would fain order our hunger and thirst not to do so, they never fail to stir up those members which are subject to them, just as that other appetite does: it also deserts us, inopportunely, whenever it wants to. That sphincter which serves to discharge our stomachs has dilations and contractions proper to itself, independent of our wishes or even opposed to them; so do those members which are destined to discharge the kidneys.

To show the limitless authority of our wills, Saint Augustine cites the example of a man who could make his behind produce farts whenever he would: Vives in his glosses goes one better with a contemporary example of a man who could arrange to fart in tune with verses recited to him; but that does not prove the pure obedience of that member, since it is normally most indiscreet and disorderly.17 In addition I know one Behind so stormy and churlish that it has obliged its master to fart forth wind constantly and unremittingly for forty years and is thus bringing him to his death.”
― Michel de Montaigne, The Complete Essays