Funny Fantasy Quotes

“But we don't do things like that!" said Vimes. "You can't go around arresting the Thieves' Guild. I mean, we'd be at it all day!”
― Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

“If the proper preparations have been made and the necessary precautions taken, any staged event is guaranteed success--Ethelred The Unready”
― Robert Asprin

“Anything worth doing is worth overdoing. Are you overdone yet?”
― Charlotte Henley Babb

“Of all the various unpleasant ways to be aroused from a sound sleep, one of the worst is the noise of a dragon and a unicorn playing tag. Myth Conceptions by Robert Asprin”
― Robert Asprin

“We ride hard each day,” Draven barked. “We don’t dawdle or take breaks. We don’t stop to sightsee.”
“I’d never dream of asking you to sightsee,” Vesper said with an impressively straight face. “A man like you? Never.”
“Fine,” Drave said darkly. “Since you won’t leave when asked and as my only other option is to kill you, which I know she won’t like…”
“Your sister?”
“My companion,” Draven growled. “Since my companion would evidently prefer I didn’t kill you.”
“That would be very nice,” I said, as calmly as I could, my heart beating fast. “Especially when he’s so talented with breakfast.”
Were they really going to come to blows? I imagined exaggerating the story when I retold it to Galahad and saying two half-naked griddle-cake-scented, dazzlingly handsome men had been fighting over me.”
― Briar Boleyn, Queen of Roses

“What was I supposed to do?” Lane returned. “Let him slaughter the old codger on the court room floor? Nhiles are you aware how hard it is to get blood out of carpet?”
― L.P. Cowling, Gearpox

“Unless we all want to end up like our spiritual friend here…” Garryck said, gesturing with the point of his lance at the hole he’d left in the dead man’s body.”
― L.P. Cowling, Gearpox

“Zzortis quaked with laughter. Then, to his dismay, an icicle fell from his chin. Pel could tell from his thoughts and the fear of the igni positioned below that nearly got speared by it. "No!" he exclaimed at the loss of dignity.”
― K.V. Wilson, To Speak with the Stars