Haha Quotes

“I hate when couples fight and change their status to 'single' when they're still together and are just mad at one another. Do you see me changing my status to 'orphan' after I fight with my parents?”
― Anonymous

“Maybe if we start telling people their brain is an app, they'll start using it.”
― Anonymous

“Well,” I said, needing to lighten the mood for him, “next time Kai tries to, um, bust your balls, you can give it right back to him, because he's got a girlfriend now, too.”
― Wendy Higgins, Sweet Peril

“I know I'm a handful, but that's why you have two hands.”
― Anonymous

“Don't you want to know what cookies is a code word for?"
"No! Good God, no!”
― Jennifer L. Armentrout, Wait for You

“Ruin your fucking self before they do. Otherwise they'll screw you because you're a nobody. They'll keep you alive but you'll have to crawl and say "thank-you" for every bone they throw. You might as well stay drunk or shoot junk and be a crazy fucker. If the rich guys want to play with you, make them get their hands dirty. Send them away gagging, or sobbing if they're soft-hearted. You'll be left alone if you're frightening, and dead you're free!”
― Jenny Holzer

“Sorry. Sorry. Don't hit. Bitches be scary when they hit.”
― Jennifer L. Armentrout, Wait for You

“I sort of fell."

"Percy! Six hundred and thirty feet?”
― Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief

“Handle every stressful situation like a dog; if you can't eat it or play with it, pee on it and walk away.”
― Anonymous

“Romeo was late. Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo... I snorted. It was so loud it startled a girl at a nearby table.

- Rimmel”
― Cambria Hebert, #Nerd

“He dragged me back - just in time. A tree had crashed down on to the side walk, just missing us. Poirot stared at it, pale and upset.
"It was a near thing that! But clumsy, all the same - for I had no suspicion - at least hardly any suspicion. Yes, but for my quick eyes, the eyes of a cat, Hercule Poirot might now be crushed out of existence - a terrible calamity for the world. And you, too, mon ami - though that would not be such a national catastrophe."
"Thank you," I said coldly.”
― Agatha Christie, The Big Four

“There! Now we're friends!" declared the minx. "Say you're sorry about my sister -"
"I am desolated!"
"That's a good boy!”
― Agatha Christie, The Murder on the Links

“Let's stay!" Ivy shouted.
"Oh no you don't," I said, grabbing her arm. "You called me to come get you."
"I changed my mind." She pouted.
"Too bad," I said and started pulling her away. She dug in her heels.
I sighed. "I have cookies in the car," I lied.
Her face brightened.
Drunk girls were idiots.”
― Cambria Hebert, #Nerd

“#LateNightMusings

If you sext, do you get a phoner?


-Buzzboss”
― Cambria Hebert, #Nerd

“The doorbell rang, making me and Roland jump. Nikolas opened the door to admit Chris whose good-natured smile did not falter even when he saw our grim faces. Then he saw Remy. I didn’t think I had ever seen someone’s eyes go that round before. Roland shoved a glass of Nate’s whiskey into Chris’s hand while Nikolas brought him up to speed on all he had missed.”
― Karen Lynch, Relentless

“Actively hating your newfound popularity with a fiery passion can really take a lot out off you”
― Jennifer Lynn barnes, Perfect Cover

“Usually the thought process for a seventeen-year-old boy went girl touching me > omg > boner.”
― Leah Raeder, Unteachable

“Wait," I said.
He glanced at me again.
I held up the severely wrinkled paper. "I'm your tutor." The doubt in his eyes kind of made me mad. Did he think I wasn't smart enough to tutor him?
"See," I demanded, shoving the paper in the space between us.
The half-smile thing he did resurfaced, and he took the paper out of my grasp. "What'd this paper ever do to you?" he said, taking in its crumpled appearance.
I scowled. For starters, it was forcing me to talk to him.

-Rimmel & Romeo”
― Cambria Hebert, #Nerd

“Anne, judging from her own temperament, would have deemed such a domestic hurricane a bad restorative of the nerves... but Mrs. Musgrove... concluded a short recapitulation of what she had suffered herself, by observing, with a happy glance round the room, that after all she had gone through, nothing was so likely to do her good as a little quiet cheerfulness at home.”
― Jane Austen, Persuasion

“Pas encore. Qa m'amuse."
"Really, Poirot!"
"Yes, my friend. I grow old and childish, do I not?”
― Agatha Christie, Peril at End House

“I like that you think I have minions,” Simone said.
“You would like that.” Villains always twisted insults into compliments.”
― Chandra Blumberg, Stirring Up Love

“Silly Bella,' he chuckled”
― Stephenie Meyer, Twilight

“No coffee?

Sorry, the mountain-top Starbucks is fresh out.”
― Chelsea Ichaso, Dead Girls Can't Tell Secrets

“So, why were you trying to flirt with that asshole at the boardwalk?”
My jaw drops. I’ve got to be hearing things. I—
“Wow, there,” Ruby says. “That’s a new form of distraction I haven’t heard before. I like that. I thought you two were a couple by the way you look at each other but—”
I panic-stare at her and she snorts, “Never mind, you do you, keep talking.”
I stammer. “It…it was…”
Jack says, maybe to Ruby or maybe to himself, “Ellie’s not usually like this, for sure.”
“How would you know what I’m like?” My cheeks flush, and I barely notice Ruby lining up the needle. People love to label me. What about what I want to label myself? Especially Jack—he’s pretended not to know me for so long.
Jack grins. “Well, we’ll have to debate later on that.”
“No, we won’t!” There’s no way I’m going to let him ignore me. I’m going to throttle him as soon as—
“You’re all done.” Ruby places a mirror in front of me. “What do you think?”
Already? I turn my head to look; my skin’s a little pink, but there it is—the star-shaped silver piercing is on my right ear, at the exact spot I’d chosen. I breathe out in surprise, giving it the label I want. “It’s perfect.”
Jack smiles smugly, standing up from the stool. “And I was the perfect distraction.”
I’ll ignore that.”
― Julie Abe, The Charmed List

“Glad my public shame is a source of entertainment for you.”
Chantal’s smile slipped. “Sim, it wasn’t that bad. It was kind of cute, to be honest.”
“Yeah, a random dude is about to become equal owner of my family business. Super cute.” About as cute as a baby cobra and every bit as deadly.”
― Chandra Blumberg, Stirring Up Love

“...'After I got mauled by the wolf, my scars weren't sexy scars---'*
'He just said sexy scars,' Jacks drawled. 'Are you really listening to this?'
'Shh,' Evangeline hissed.

*Luc is speaking”
― Stephanie Garber, Once Upon a Broken Heart

“Am I in an episode of Dateline? And if I am, why is my mother also in it?”
― Matthew Perry, Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing

“Hell, just getting groceries with you is an adventure. I mean—no one needs four kinds of cereal.”
― Mary Calmes, Trusted Bond

“Real men wear floral when trespassing.”
― Holly Jackson

“Wait, I thought I was your dream guy,’ Peter says. Not to me, to Kitty. He knows he’s not my dream guy. My dream guy is Gilbert Blythe from Anne of Green Gables. Handsome, loyal, smart in school.”
― Jenny Han, Always and Forever, Lara Jean