Lmao Quotes

“I hate when couples fight and change their status to 'single' when they're still together and are just mad at one another. Do you see me changing my status to 'orphan' after I fight with my parents?”
― Anonymous

“You know when you feel really bad and someone says, "Suck it up"? This only makes me want to break their legs and tell them to "Walk it off".”
― Anonymous

“Sneak out." He shrugged, as if that should have been a no-brainer. But that was easy for him to say. He was dead. What else could they do to him, take away his birthday?”
― Rachel Vincent, My Soul to Save

“You flambe one car and now you think every song with fire is about you," Logan says. "Get over yourself, Catalano.”
― Jennifer Salvato Doktorski, How My Summer Went Up in Flames

“My hands wrapped around his waist, traveling up the broad expanse of his back, mooth and hard, and...
"Give it a rest, already," Tod snapped from somewhere behind his brother. "It already smells like sex in here, and you're both still dressed. You have no idea how messed up that is.”
― Rachel Vincent, My Soul to Save

“You are an intriguing combination, half child, half seductress, half angel."

I laughed sort and bitterly. "That's what all men like to think about women. Little girls they have to take care of--when I know for a fact it is the male who is more boy than man.”
― V.C. Andrews, Petals on the Wind

“Fuckin' wit a madman in a bad mood
It's like fuckin' wit a mad dog that wasn't fed food”
― DMX

“I slipped the acres of pink taffeta over my head and struggled to get it zipped. What had originally been a dress from the Little House on the Prairie collection was now straight out of the Little Whore-house on the Prairie collection.”
― Janet Evanovich, Notorious Nineteen

“I’m not Grisha. I’m a mapmaker. I’m not even a very good mapmaker.”
― Leigh Bardugo, Shadow and Bone

“I follow her progress, terrified, wondering if this is motherhood: anxiously picturing your child with her skull cracked open.”
― Ali Hazelwood, Bride

“In the cramped confines of the toilet I had trouble getting out of my wet trousers, which clung to my legs like a drowning man. The new ones were quite complicated too in that they had more legs than a spider; either that or they didn't have enough legs to get mine into. The numbers failed to add up. Always there was one trouser leg too many or one of my legs was left over. From the outside it may have looked like a simple toilet, but once you were locked in here the most basic rules of arithmetic no longer held true.”
― Geoff Dyer, Yoga for People Who Can't Be Bothered to Do It: Essays

“As the class went through the Greeks and the Romans and the Renaissance painters, (who were easy enough to remember if you’d ever seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) there was more dick on display than in a locker room.”
― K.A. Mitchell, Life, Over Easy

“Timmy put his head to the floor, nose to nose with Thumper. Thumper opened her eyes and gave the kid a lick. Timmy licked her back.
“Don’t lick the dog,” I said.
“She did it first.”
“Yeah, but she cleans her butt with that tongue. Presumably, you don’t.”
-Jason & 4yoa nephew Timmy”
― John Inman, Spirit

“Boys are like toilet paper. You rip them off, use them to wipe your ass, and then flush them down the toilet.”
― Aurora

“Opposite Willem that afternoon is a Thom Gunn poem: "Their relationship consisted / In discussing if it existed." Underneath, someone has written in black market, "Dont worry man I cant get no pussy either.”
― Hanya Yanagihara , A Little Life

“Just relax. Close your eyes. Think about me. Naked. Ahh, no. that will keep you awake and horny. Sorry.”
― Laylah Roberts, Her Daddy's Jewel

“Are you starting your period? It’s not your time.”
― RuNyx, The Emperor

“You’re fucking disgusting. You love being fucked by my cock. I bet you had a fucking lisp as a child. I bet you had occupational issues that made it hard for you to hold a pencil.”
― Sophie Kemp, Paradise Logic

“Rory's gaze flickered to my face. "She's a guest of the king's. Affront her in any way, the knighthood will answer. Attempt to look beneath her shroud, she and the gargoyle will respond as they see fit. With full immunity to any carnage tended."

The gargoyle batted his eyes. "Oh, Bartholomew. He's dreamy.”
― Rachel Gillig, The Knight and the Moth

“I need to stop saying LMAO because that is precisely what's happening; I wish I could rewind time by two decades, immortalize my derriere in wax, and then kiss it goodbye.”
― Donna Lynn Hope

“His accent... British but crisper.”
― Shannon Messenger, Keeper of the Lost Cities

“Same frfr”
― Mahatma Gandhi

“Do you want to sit down?”

She perched her butt on the edge of his desk, remembering alittle too late that she wasn’t wearing any underwear.

Easton levelled her with a cold expression. “On a chair, Carter.”

“Right.”
― Jane Washington, Tourner

“His urbane hauteur had given way to a genuinely angry expression. Evidently he didn’t appreciate having his well-laid plans compromised by an unexpected influx of walking corpses.

To be fair, who did?”
― Greg Cox, The Bestseller Job

“I’ll pass on California,” I laughed drily. “Too hot for me.”
“You can handle me, I’m sure you can handle any amount of hotness.”
― Lily Seabrooke, The Simple Answer

“It… I... made a bond." I’d think this new contrite side of him adorable if I did not have a gripping sensation that he just turned the whole rutting world on its ears.

"What kind of bond?"

"Claiming."

"Claiming what? Me? For what?" My head starts to spin. Quinton needs to get to the point. My bite mark heats and tingles as if it knows we are talking about it. Or maybe it is my mind playing tricks on me.

"For me." Quinton runs his hands over his face and when he meets my eyes, his again brim with apology. "I claimed you. I bonded us together."

"Like… siblings?" The bite mark flares, offended.

For stars’ sake,” Quinton snaps. “Mates, Kitterny. I claimed you as a mate.”
― Alex Lidell, Dragons' Bride

“Her mate had a girlfriend. Or at least he was sexually active. Or … just really into people swinging from the ceiling? She didn’t understand what the weird text was about. Maybe it was a settlement thing. Maybe the ceiling-swinging was a settlement thing too.”
― Jane Washington, Tourner

“It had been Hero who’d given me his cell number and told me that he owed me one and to call if I needed anything. Getting an IOU from a thirteen-year-old had been wild—what was he going to give me, a box of cookies and a Playstation?”
― Grace McGinty, The Daymakers

“We fell in a tangle, my foot in his ear, his left wing lodging under my ribs. "How undignified." The gargoyle let out a whimper. "Did anyone see me fall?”
― Rachel Gillig, The Knight and the Moth

“Do something, Bartholomew!' The gargoyle was wringing his hands, dancing nervously on his toes. 'Bite off his leg if you must!”
― Rachel Gillig, The Knight and the Moth