Heeb Quotes

“So...Now that we got that over with, let's get back to love at first sight, Evan said.
Not infatuation at first sight...Love. With a capital L, he clarified.
Love? Heeb asked, playfully pretending not to know the concept.
Yeah. The real thing. The conviction that if you had this one woman, all other women would become irrelevant. You'd never again be unhappy And you'd give up anything to have her and keep her.
You've experienced that?
Only once. And I haven't stopped thinking about it ever since.
Tell me more.
Sometimes I think that I still chase women just to forget about her. Because I know I can never have her. But I can't seem to forget about her, no matter what girl I'm chasing...No one can possibly compare....
Who is she?
Delilah, Evan said wistfully.
Delilah?, asked Heeb, intrigued
Delilah Nakova, Evan replied, with a hint of awe and reverence in his voice.”
― Zack Love, Sex in the Title: A Comedy about Dating, Sex, and Romance in NYC

“You know what you need?”
“What?”
“You need to think about what a badass bald man would do in this situation”
“There are no badass bald men. By definition.”
“What about Dwight D. Eisenhower?” Carlos suggested.
“President Eisenhower?”
“Doesn’t he qualify as a badass?” Carlos insisted.
“Look, he may have been president, but he doesn’t exactly come to people’s minds when you ask them to think of a badass.”
“All right. How about Kojak?” Carlos asked.
“That police detective show with Telly Savalas?” Sammy asked.
“Yeah, Kojak. He was a badass. Always cool under pressure.”
“All right,” Sammy replied. “Let’s just say, for the sake of argument, that Kojak was a bald badass. So what?’
“So you have to imagine how Kojak would deal with this situation we have in front of us. He wouldn’t be worried about whether this girl digs bald guys. He would just walk right up to her, knowing that he’s a badass and just take care of business. You see, it’s all in the delivery.”
“The delivery?”
“Yeah, the execution”
― Zack Love

“Check my riddle, and I’ll let you play my fiddle.”
― Zack Love, Sex in the Title: A Comedy about Dating, Sex, and Romance in NYC

“What’s a TH?”
“A Traffic Hazard,” Heeb clarified.
“Oh you mean because the woman is so hot she’ll take your eyes off the road?” Narc confirmed.
“Exactly.”
― Zack Love, Sex in the Title: A Comedy about Dating, Sex, and Romance in NYC

“Oh. Well was this your first time painting a live model?”
She nodded her head, with an almost guilty look on her face.
“What’s it like?”
“Hard,” she replied.”
― Zack Love, Sex in the Title: A Comedy about Dating, Sex, and Romance in NYC

“And as their penile pain began to subside, the two men were able to form more complex thoughts, resulting in a collaborative work: the development of a worldview that might be described as “penilosophy.”
― Zack Love, Sex in the Title: A Comedy about Dating, Sex, and Romance in NYC

“Carlos, your mysophobia does affect my health. I feel freer – more alive, more vivacious and, ironically enough, healthier – if I’m not constantly made to worry about germs and unhealthy choices. Whether it’s for a moment of spontaneous kissing in a phone booth or eating an occasional hamburger…Obsessing about your health doesn’t actually make you healthier. The fact of the matter is, Carlos, our bodies are decaying at every moment, regardless of what we do. Living is bad for your health.”

“It doesn’t have to be.”

“Maybe if you live in an antiseptic bubble specially designed by the CDC it doesn’t. But in a place like New York City, you’re fighting a pointless battle. You can either embrace the dirt and the germs as part of the risky joy of living in an exciting, overpopulated metropolis, or you can spend lots of mental real estate obsessing over whether you touched a few extra microbes when you got on the subway.”
― Zack Love, Sex in the Title: A Comedy about Dating, Sex, and Romance in NYC

“The official recruiting process for their posse began. Because Carlos, Narc, and Trevor each had high SQs, Heeb and Evan reasoned that adding the three to their group would raise the average SQ of each group member (much the way that colleges recruit individuals with higher test scores to increase the average test scores of their matriculated students).”
― Zack Love, Sex in the Title: A Comedy about Dating, Sex, and Romance in NYC

“I got it! I got it!” Heeb declared triumphantly. Evan stopped in the middle of his kitchenette to hear Heeb’s idea.
“Sex in the Title.”
“Yeah, that’s what you’ve been saying I need.”
“No, that’s the title: ‘Sex in the Title.’”
“You want me to call my novel ‘Sex in the Title?’”
“Yeah. Isn’t it great?”
― Zack Love, Sex in the Title: A Comedy about Dating, Sex, and Romance in NYC

“Titus, have you ever had your heart broken?”

“Oh, son. How could you ask a man who used to play the blues a question like that?”

“How long does it take to go away?”

“A broken heart?”

“Yeah.”

“There’s no precise formula, Sammy.”

“Just give me an estimate.”

“A good rule of thumb is at least half the time that you were in love. Or twice the time. It all just depends.”
― Zack Love, Sex in the Title: A Comedy about Dating, Sex, and Romance in NYC