Lawyer Jokes Quotes

“I was so happy to be out of there.
“Barabas, if you weren’t batting for the other team, I’d marry you.”

He grinned. “If I weren’t batting for the other team, I would accept your proposal."
You had me at ‘No comment.’
If all my clients were this smart, my life would be much easier. Much, much easier.”
― Ilona Andrews, Gunmetal Magic

“Gabriel Walsh comes from a long line of hustlers. He’s just the first one to go to law school and get a license for it.”
― Kelley Armstrong, Omens

“Nurse: "You look like a pharmaceutical rep. you can leave samples in the closet."
Joe: "I'm actually a lawyer."
Nurse: "My condolences.”
― Jodi Picoult, Lone Wolf

“I wouldn’t call Gabriel Walsh if I was on fire.” She pursed her lips. “No, I might. To sue everyone responsible—from the person who lit the match to those who made my clothes. But I’d wait until the fire was out. Otherwise, he’d just stand there until I was burned enough for a sizable settlement.”
― Kelley Armstrong, Omens

“Arguing with a lawyer is not the hardest thing in the world; not arguing is.”
― Raheel Farooq

“A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.”
― Magdalen Braden, Blackjack & Moonlight

“Lawyers forever overestimate their own intelligence and underestimate their clients'.”
― Portia Porter, Can You Stiff Your Divorce Lawyer

“The man who acts as his own lawyer has a fool for a client.”
― Joseph Hansen

“Lawyer's credo: Anyone can sue anyone for anything.”
― James Patterson, 5th Horseman

“Twain please!" Peck blubbered. "It was never personal. It was just business!"
"Oh Peck, do you think I'm mad at you? I"m a lawyer. I don't get mad. I don't get even." Twain gave him a wicked smile. " I sue people.”
― Arthur Daigle, William Bradshaw and Fool's Gold

“The land was torn apart in a legal dispute. Soon it was so devastated, nothing could live here- not plant or animal. Only lawyers. But eventually the place fell into lawlessness, and lawyers can't exist in an area of lawlessness, so they went feral. Some say they still roam the land. You'll suddenly hear someone yell, 'Objection!' and then you'll be torn apart like an improperly witnessed contract.”
― Frank J. Fleming

“Hold on, hold on, there must be a law against killing lawyers."
"Are you sure?"
"There're still some around, aren't there?”
― Terry Pratchett, The Truth

“He was so clean and healthy and pleased about everything that he positively shone - which is only to be expected in a fairy or an angel, but is somewhat disconcerting in an attorney.”
― Susanna Clarke, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell

“I can see why so many lawyers throw themselves into the river. With all of this fabric weighing them down they’ll sink straight to the bottom.”

Alysia sent me an unimpressed look. “I’m a lawyer, you know?”

“Then you probably know a few jokes at your own expense.”
― Jackson Lear, Protected

“It is hard for a rich man to pass through the eye of a needle ― without high-priced legal help.”
― George Hammond