Motherless Daughters Quotes

“The mother who abandons her daughter leaves a pile of questions behind: Who was she? Where is she? Why did she leave? Like the child whose mother dies, the abandoned daughter lives with a loss, but she also struggles with the knowledge that her mother is alive yet inaccessible and out of touch. Death has a finality that abandonment simply does not.”
― Hope Edelman, Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss

“A daughter whose mother chose to leave her or was incapable of mothering may feel like a member of the emotional underclass, like a dispensable part of society whose needs the government has ignored. As a result, she often develops a sense of devaluation and unworthiness even more profound than that of the daughter whose mother has died.”
― Hope Edelman, Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss

“Feeling and talking through the pain--the humiliation of being an unloved child, the anger toward the cold mother, the anxiety of turning into her, the fear of maternal retribution for hating her--became the healing salve. Where therapy was successful, these women came to understand that their mothers, who were unfortunate, inadequate, insecure people, did not have the power to hurt them anymore. If their mothers continued to act destructively, they could walk away from them.”
― Evelyn S. Bassoff, Mothers and Daughters: Loving and Letting Go

“I needed someone to tell me it was all right to feel the anger and despair, but I received only kudos for my synthetically mature, responsible behavior.”
― Hope Edelman

“The mother who abandoned her child or took her own life leaves a daughter with the most direct access route to anger--she left me--but even the mother who falls ill and dies can be an object of blame.”
― Hope Edelman, Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss

“It's hard to understand how we can harbor negative feelings toward someone we love when the two appear to sit at such competing ends of the spectrum. But negative emotion does, which is why even daughters of abusive mothers need to mourn the loss.”
― Hope Edelman, Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss

“When the loss of a mother results in family chaos or feelings of abandonment, even the risk of subsequent loss can cause anxiety in the child and inspire behaviors designed to preserve the status quo. As the child matures, this anxiety may extend to concerns beyond and unrelated to the original loss, turning her into an adult who has difficulty making decisions out of fear of catastrophic results. Taking chances may feel too risky to her, and instead she seeks safety through controlling whatever aspects of her life she can.”
― Hope Edelman, Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss