Naughty Humor Quotes

“I really wish I could confirm to him
that you do in fact have a penis. A very
big and pretty penis,” Blaire whispered.
I winced.

“Please, just call it big.
Don’t call it pretty. That hurts its
feelings.”
― Abbi Glines, Forever Too Far

“Would you like to sit?" Kellen asked her.
"You'd better do it soon," Owen whispered close to her ear, "or I'm going to bend you over that table and break the club's no-penetration-in-the-lounge rule.”
― Olivia Cunning, Touch Me

“Chase punched a code into the keypad above the elevator call button, and the doors to the service elevator slid open. “The code is 6969.”
“How will I ever remember that?” I teased.”
― Vi Keeland, Bossman

“For you, Esperetta, anything." Velkan
"Anything?" Esperetta
"Yes." Velkan
"Then come and get naked with me. Right now." Esperetta
"As you wish, Princess." Velkan”
― Sherrilyn Kenyon, Dark Bites

“He’s an even-tempered stallion. What he lacks in stamina he makes up for in speed, kind of like most of the men I’ve slept with.”
― Lila Shaw, Wild West Succubus

“—¿Y por qué tantos privilegios?
—He sacrificado mucho.
—¿Qué tipo de rodilleras has utilizado?”
― Lena Valenti, Amos y mazmorras: Cuarta parte

“I tried to blow a yellow jacket out and now it's wearing a bow tie in its mouth.”
― Ana Claudia Antunes

“Stop cribbing! Go, get a life. But then, perhaps you hate life. In that case, get a wife.”
― Fakeer Ishavardas

“No Throat So Deep by Stewart Stafford

“I'd like you to meet Mrs Koch-Gobbelaar,”
I weighed up the overture long and hard,
"I'm licking my lips without drool!" I replied,
“Amazeballs!” he said, “Tonight, you'll meet.”

We came early, but she didn’t take umbrage,
“Spread out all over my ballroom,” she said,
She told us how the rooms were hanging,
Up the elevator shaft to the top floor and left.

Mrs Koch-Gobbelaar made vegetarian claims,
But we found her smuggled stash of beef jerky,
Her ex-husband split and became a eunuch,
He died bone-tired with limp alibis on his urn.

© Stewart Stafford, 2022. All rights reserved.”
― Stewart Stafford