Roarke Humor Quotes

“Eve-"In the name of all that is holy...It's 2060, not 1760. Can't they figure out a better way to handle this process?"
Roarke-"Amen”
― J.D. Robb

“That's a lot of vegetables.
"It is, yes, and if you eat them like a good girl..." He lifted the silver lid on another plate, revealed a small pizza, with pepperoni arranged into a smiley face.
She tried to give him a stony stare, but the laugh won out. "You think you're cute, don't you, pal?"
"Adorable."
"In this case, you can have adorable. Ow!" She managed the stony stare when he slapped her hand away from the pizza.
"Vegetables first.”
― J.D. Robb, Calculated in Death

“Assaulting an officer will earn you one to five, Roarke. That's in a cage, not cushy home detention."
"You're not wearing your badge. Or anything else, for that matter." He gave her a friendly nip on the chin. "Be sure to put that in your report.”
― J.D. Robb, Naked in Death

“I'd suggest putting your head between your knees, but I think that's physically impossible for you at the moment.”
― J.D. Robb

“I like your style, Lieutenant Dallas," he said when they'd fought their way to the car. "I like it a lot. And by the way, I don't think I'm in love with you anymore. I know I am."-Roarke”
― J.D. Robb, Naked in Death

“I don't like the idea of you shivering unless I cause it. Stay warm.”
― J.D. Robb, Naked in Death

“I can't tell you how aroused it makes me when you quote codes, lieutenant.”
― J.D. Robb, Naked in Death

“You're still carrying Africa, but it's eroding at the edges.
Great. We're destroying the Dark Continent.”
― J.D. Robb, Calculated in Death

“He may have gotten spanked by a barbecue grill, but on a desk unit, he was a king.”
― J.D. Robb, Imitation in Death

“Kiss me goodbye.”
“I already kissed you goodbye this morning. Twice.”
“Third time lucky.” He planted his lips firmly on hers. “I’ll be in touch, Lieutenant.” He strolled out. Even before he hit the sidewalk a sleek black car pulled up to the curb, and a driver hopped out to open the door.
Like magic, Eve thought.
“I’d like to be in touch with him. Anytime. Anywhere. Any way.”
Eve turned her head slowly. “Did you say something, Peabody?”
“Who, sir, me, sir? Nope. Absolutely not.”
“Good.”
― J.D. Robb, Big Jack

“I wish I didn’t know, absolutely, you sign papers of ours without the reading of them.”

“I give them a scan.” Sometimes. “If you fucked me over, I’m a cop. I know how to make you pay without letting it show. Like, the one where I tranq your wine, dress you in a diaper and pasties, get you in your office and transmit the image globally.”

“You’ve given this some thought.”

“Just in my free time.” She gave his hands a squeeze before drawing hers away and laying them on his cheeks. “Bottom line? She wasn’t wrong to trust a man she loves—because it had to be love. He’s not rich or good-looking or powerful. She just loves the wrong man. I don’t.”

“Well now,” he murmured, then leaned in to take her mouth in a soft, slow, sweet kiss.

“There’s the one where I coat the inside of all your boxers with a biological that causes your works to develop festering boils.”

It made him wince. “Christ Jesus, you obviously have far too much free time.”

“I’ve got a whole list,” she said as he opened the front door. “For him, too,” she added, shooting a finger at Summerset.

Summerset merely cocked his eyebrows. “No visible injuries once again. We appear to be on a streak.”

“For him I have the stick up his ass surgically removed, and without it, his whole body collapses into a puddle of ghoul.”

She tossed her coat over the newel post. “You’ll be too busy with festering boils to have him reanimated.”
― J.D. Robb, Connections in Death

“That did eat up considerable time and effort. But I carved out a little time between bloodbaths.
I’ve just put it together for you this morning, while you were getting a little more beauty sleep.”

“Is that a dig?”
“Darling, how is telling you you’re beautiful a dig?”
Her answer was a snort as she strapped on her weapon.”
― J.D. Robb, Big Jack