Sci Fi Humor Quotes

“They say nothing!" the little captain raged. "They only putrid gunner, ship engineer. I, Ba-Karkar, must speak for all!"

Ogu kicked him again. "Then ask what kind help Asahel wants, untranslatable epithet male. Or no more untranslatable for you! Never again in putrid boomer prison."

Her husband gave a choked gasp. "Cruel female!"

"No more sex, either," she added.”
― Julian May, Orion Arm

“The Klavaret won resoundingly that year, singing in their traditional method: vibrating their stamens at the precise frequency of empathy, allowing the audience to hear one another’s favorite childhood lullabies, thousands upon thousands of them, at which point Suns n’ Roses broke down, mashed up, and remixed that noise into a truly sick beat. Last year, they finally managed to snatch the crown again with their dance craze ‘Let’s Talk About Our Feelings So No One Has to Hurt Inside.’ It would have been a unanimous verdict, except for the Yurtmak, who vomited on their ballot and then put it in the box with a huge, razor-toothed grin.”
― Catherynne M. Valente, Space Opera

“Here we are," Han announced.
"Right." Luke looked around, an involuntary shiver running up his back. "Dead center in the middle of nowhere."
"Should be a familiar feeling for you," Han suggested, keying for a sensor scan.
"Thanks," Luke said, "but getting stuck between systems with a dead hyperdrive isn't something I want to get familiar with."
"I didn't mean that," Han said innocently as he keyed the comm. "I was talking about Tatooine.”
― Timothy Zahn, Star Wars: Dark Force Rising

“You're somethin' else, Hel. Know that? Dodged the sea toad, got rescued off that damned comet, bisected ol' Bron Elgar like a bagel out there on Cravat ... How the hell you get away from those damn fish down in the Glory Hole? Man, you got more lives than a New York alleycat.”
― Julian May, Orion Arm

“Any more cargo?" Cohmac called as Reath and Ram picked up their travel packs and headed up the ramp.
"No, we got the rest of them, but thanks for your help," Ram said, his face twitching on one side.
"What's wrong with your eye?" Cohmac asked.
Reath kept walking. "He's trying to wink because he thinks he just made a joke. Let's get this over with, please. This is clearly going to be. a long journey!"
"Ah? Ah?" Ram tried, still squinching half his face.
"Who will stop this child?" Cohmac wondered out loud. "The child must be stopped.”
― Daniel José Older, Midnight Horizon

“We've had our chance—no, we've had countless chances to prove we can do civilization right, and we always blow it. I don't know. Maybe it's time we let another form of intelligence take a stab at it.”
― J.M. Lanham, AI: Artificial Incompetence