The Words We Keep Quotes

“I hid my scars, too,

because no one wants to see

the truth that is me”
― Erin Stewart

“I just wanted to feel something. Something real. I saw the razor and I was so numb, and when I cut into myself, it felt--better.”
― Erin Stewart

“It's not brave if you're not scared.”
― Erin Stewart

“When you get to a place where dying seems like the easy way out, that changes you.”
― Erin Stewart

“But here's the thing about explosions - bombs or supernovas or really anything that erupts in a startling display of grandeur and light: when they're done, and the fire has all burned out and the show is over, they always leave a hole.”
― Erin Stewart

“Ask me again.

Ask me how I'm doing.

Just ask.

I'll tell.

But he doesn't ask. Instead, he says he's proud of me and stands up, eyes lingering on the bathroom door for a second as the water turns off.

He kisses the top of my head. "What did I ever do to deserve such a perfect daughter?"

My chest deflates. I swallow my words.

I hide them deep behind my ribs, tucked neatly by my heart, with all the other words I keep.”
― Erin Stewart

“How do I explain where my mind goes? How I float out of myself.”
― Erin Stewart

“I swallow my words. I hide them deep behind my ribs, tucked neatly by my heart, with all the other words I keep.”
― Erin Stewart

“This doesn’t mean I almost died. It means I chose to stay.”
― Erin Stewart

“I'm not really here anymore. I'm watching family time from outside my body. Through the glass, I see them, laughing and placing tiles. I see me, playing my part, smiling when I'm supposed to smile.
But inside my head, the worries have slithered in, uninvited.
This is how it always starts.
With a thought.”
― Erin Stewart

“Some things are just better left unsaid.”
― Erin Stewart

“I'll be better.

I'll win.

Because if I don't--who am I?”
― Erin Stewart

“But with my friends--I'm not broken. I'm just me.”
― Erin Stewart

“Everyone will know, once and for all, the Lily I've worked so hard to hide.”
― Erin Stewart

“Well, the truth is, if I were okay, I wouldn't be asleep at four in the afternoon. I wouldn't have spent the last week in bed, trying to stay unconscious.”
― Erin Stewart

“Oh right. That's all I ever hear. 'Look our for Alice.' 'Don't anger Alice.' 'Help Alice.' Alice, Alice, Alice. Do you know what it's like to find your sister on the bathroom floor with a blade pressed to her skin? Do you know what that does to a person?”
― Erin Stewart

“Piece by piece, I dig out the imperfections.”
― Erin Stewart

“I'm sorry.

I missed you.

Are you still....you?”
― Erin Stewart

“You know it's not the worst thing in the world to have somebody know who you are.”
― Erin Stewart

“It's just, sometimes I can't breathe here, you know?"

I do.

I do know.

I almost say it, too.

But someone has to hold this family together”
― Erin Stewart

“Under the table, Lily bleeds where no one can see.”
― Erin Stewart

“I believed that if I was good enough--did enough--I could keep us from cracking.”
― Erin Stewart

“It's just, I have this vision, you know? A world where your diagnosis doesn't define you, and getting help doesn't make you weak or dangerous or other. And sometimes I forget the world isn't there yet.”
― Erin Stewart

“But that was at night, with no one around. I'm a different Lily there. I'm--I'm guerrilla poet Lily--and in the daytime, in front of everyone, I lose her.”
― Erin Stewart

“Because pills mean you're sick. Broken”
― Erin Stewart

“Because you expect me to be perfect.'

'I've never asked you to be perfect, Lily.'

'You didn't have to ask!' I'm embarrassed by the waver in my voice, by the emotions bubbling to the surface. 'I'm the good girl. Because you need me to be. But i'm not perfect. I'm--'

Broken

Scared

Covered in scars”
― Erin Stewart

“I pick and pick until the blood coats my fingertips, warm and wonderful.

And I wonder why I ever stopped.”
― Erin Stewart

“You ruin things.”
― Erin Stewart

“We fall into silence, but not the kind of heavy nothing filled with unsaid words. Our silence is easy, the kind of quiet that says nothing, and somehow—everything.”
― Erin Stewart

“...but here's the thing: I am alone. I'm the only one who can hear the monsters, feel the panic. I'm the only one who can feel the urge to pick at myself drumming through me like an unstoppable rhythm. When the problem's in your head, no one can carry it but you.”
― Erin Stewart