the gauntlet discussion

Althea was ... a little grossed out. If spending time shoveling crap out of the stables didn't make her want to do better next time absolutely nothing did. She still smelt it, which had forced her nose into a permanent wrinkle. Yuck. She spent her evening racing around the grounds -- 'racing' was, of course, a relative term, as Althea was not incredibly versed in the whole speed thing -- and now she was all gross and sweaty. She tied her hair up but the fly-away's were sticking to her forehead and cheeks. Thea was tempted to go take a shower, but at this hour she was running the risk of seeing way too many naked guys, and unless he was a sculpted god she was looking to refrain from laying her eyes on any of that. So she took an abrupt turn and trekked a path to the apple orchard. The air was cool, thank god, and she'd stopped breathing so heavy. The colors were refreshing, too. Much freer and relaxing than the showers. A shiny red apple caught Thea's eye, so she went over and plucked it from its branch, taking a juicy bite. Ugh finally something worth all this trouble.

Kaneki wasn't just grossed out from having to spend the majority of his morning cleaning out stables, he was pissed. The only reason that he had even missed getting outside on time was because he hadn't heard the alarms, because Mr. Loses-His-Hearing-At-the-Most-Inconvenient-Times had not been able to hear the alarms ringing, or the voice of the speaker telling them to haul ass. KC had just woken up the next morning to see none of his roommates in their beds, and wondering why the hell he had gotten such a great and interrupted sleep. Oh you know, because he was probably deaf for half of the night. Pissed.

So instead of going back to his room where he was still annoyed with his dick roommates for not waking him up, he decided to postpone the much needed shower and take a walk around campus instead. And where should he find himself but the apple orchards? He might have lost a shit ton of his memories, but he had lived on the farm his hole life. The smell was something he gravitated towards without even thinking about it -- it was natural to him. He walked along the rows, starting to feel better the longer he stretched his legs.

Thea was minding her own business, crunching away, when she heard some footsteps on the other side of the trees. Being a bundle of curiosity, though slightly timid in the face of it, she ducked between the trees and peered past their branches to glimpse her company. Familiar company. Shit, she let loose a small, terrified gasp when her clumsy ass dropped the apple. It smacked against the ground, rolling through the dirt and totally giving her embarrassed, spying self away. "U-uh, hi. Sorry. I wasn't-- I was-- just wondering who was here." Thea stepped out into the open, huffing hair out of her face in a vain attempt to make herself look presentable. Maybe before he would've laughed, told her she looked cute even if she hadn't taken a shower yet. Althea's heart sunk a little, eyes dwindling down to his arms ... She liked his arms, they were strong, and gentle ... oh my God, he doesn't remember that does he? Holding her? Althea gulped, linking her hands behind her back. "You're Kaneki, right? I'm... Althea. I didn't see you for punishment today. You have punishment right? I think I remember seeing that, or something. Somewhere. Um. You didn't really miss anything, it was gross." She cleared her throat awkwardly. Her legs itched to dart forward, despite working them to near exhaustion today, and throw her arms around him. B-but she couldn't. God dammit she couldn't do that anymore.

When an apple hit his foot, KC just assumed it had been from falling off one of the apple trees, so Althea really would have made it out alive without saying anything to him and sneaking away. He really hadn't heard her at all, and not because he had suddenly lost his hearing, just because he was insultingly unobservant. But when Althea rounded the corner, his eyes showed a small glimmer of recognition, even it wasn't the kind she wanted. He recognized her from photos and from school, but not from soft embraces or light nose kisses.

"Are you really trying to 'You're Kaneki, right? me? I lost my memories, not my pictures. I'm sure you know they're scattered about my room like the most depressing collage/montage i've ever been subject to." he commented, going back to looking at the apples. He wasn't trying to be salty, he was just super bitter already, and when she tried to act like she didn't know him, it just made him feel pitied and gross inside. Kaneki didn't want anyone's pity, he wanted honesty.

Althea thought she was awkward before, but everything very quickly became worse. Pictures. He still had pictures? For some reason, she had imagined her being completely expunged from his life; everything would be gone in a blink of an eye as if she never existed. That's what it had felt like for the past three months. Obviously that was not the case. Sweaty and shaking, her hands rolled into tight fists, face pink with embarrassment. It occurred to her then that there were pictures she'd given him that ... oh God. oh God. oh God. Did he still have those, too? He had to have those. His parent didn't know they existed, so they couldn't have gotten rid of them (she would have been mortified), and she hadn't rummaged in his room either. Oh no. Now flushed a deep shade of red, Althea was having trouble looking at him. "I... didn't know what to say." she said weakly, voice small because she couldn't stop it from cracking if it went up any higher. "I'm sorry." Thea paused, scratching at her arms. "I really didn't see you during punishment."

As far as those pictures went, Kaneki had gotten ridden of them rather quickly. It had taken him a while to find them, you know, because he had no idea they were there, but once he had, he had discarded them almost immediately. Almost because she was hot, and he was curious, but immediately because he felt pervy and he wasn't really that kind of guy. But the pictures of them just doing couple things, he put those in a box and stored them in his dresser -- because who knew what they future would hold, maybe when he was a guardian he would get all of his memories back and he would want them. Maybe that wouldn't happen, and it would be as simple as throwing the box in the garbage. Who knew?

"I was late," he replied, watching her practically dissolve in front of him. In this kind of moments, Kaneki wished he remembered what she did, just so he could understand what he had lost. But in these moments he was also happy that he didn't know what that loss was, so he didn't feel the pain she did. Kaneki decided to change the subject, grabbing an apple and starting to walk with it. This didn't have to be as weird as they were making it... right? "I was surprised to see your name on the directory... from what my parents told me, this isn't really your thing?"

Now was she supposed to say? 'It isn't, but I came because you did, but don't worry I'm not a stalker or anything'? How about never in a million years, ever. Not if she wanted him to actually like her again. This was so hard. How did he fall in love with her before? She was awkward and weird and this whole situation made these characteristics worse. Althea was on the verge of walking away, just to stitch up her wounds long enough to have a regular conversation with the love of her life guy. Instead, Thea hurried to catch up to him, slowing when she was by his side. She walked beside him at a respectable distance, fingers twiddling through the itch to reach over and take his hand.

Thea swiped an apple from the grass, brushing it off with delicate, shaky fingers. "I guess I just wanted a change of pace," she replied, her voice hitching just enough at the end that it sounded like a question. She worried her bottom lip. Thea didn't know why she thought that she could do this, surely they let people like her in on a joke or something. That way they had some entertainment in an otherwise totally brutal atmosphere. She was pretty good at reasoning, and did really well under pressure, but her physical abilities needed some much needed toning. Kaneki, on the other hand, was ... perfect. Thea hoped he'd win; that way all of this would be worth it-- the academy that is, not everything else. Nothing could possibly be worth the amount of pain she was in right now, and she wasn't talking about her aching legs. "I got a little more than I bargained for."

Kaneki had not really been expecting her to answer any certain kind of way, but her response actually surprised him. A change of pace? "You cut your hair for a change of pace, you don't enter a particularly lethal death match." he commented, not so sure he was buying it. Who was he to judge though, he had followed a girl to the Gauntlet, so. Whatever her reasons were, they couldn't be worse than his. And besides, he just had a feeling she was lying, he didn't have an actual reason or even evidence for it -- not to mention he didn't care?

He smiled at her next comment, almost laughing at the truthfulness. "I think we all did." he offered, shooting her a sideways glance. See, they could make this not weird. If one didn't think about the engagement ring he'd found in a pair of his jeans when doing laundry, he could survive this encounter, and maybe all the others ones too. Kaneki had forgotten, and maybe she was starting to forget too. Which was good, right? He wasn't sure. He didn't have knowledge of their history to pull from, so he felt like it was good. But maybe if he actually had the same experiences he did, he would know why it wasn't.

Thea chewed her lip. She tried to shrug, but her efforts came up short. She just did this really half-hearted thing with her shoulders that didn't quite look like a shrug, and dug her thumb nail into the apple. "I like my hair." she responded meekly. She scooped out a tiny apple piece, her stomach rolling. Moments ago she'd been munching on one, but now it was like looking at a small, red abyss. She didn't want to look at him, fearful that she'd say or do something stupid, so the fruit was about the only place she could look; after realizing that, well, her eyes were glued there.

Except that she didn't come here to stare at apples. No sir. She came here because he came here and this was weird for her, maybe for him too -- was it bad she hoped it was kind of weird for him? -- but she had to say something. Or at the very least look at him. Even if it meant looking at the sun because his laugh was so bright and warm. Thea clutched her apple and lifted her gaze, determined. "Could you show me how to fight?" she asked suddenly. Thea slowed her pace until she was stopped, biting the inside of her cheek. "I don't really know what I'm doing," - a real shrug now - "But I... also don't really want to die, or... be disqualified again. So, um-- would you? Maybe? Sometime?"

Kaneki hadn't meant her to take the hair comment so literally, he had just meant it as an expression. Did she always take words to mean their exact meaning? He wouldn't know. "I, well, I didn't mean it about hair exactly. And yeah, your hair is nice. Kind of shines in the sun a bit." he remarked, being more observant than anything else. He hadn't intentionally complimented her, but it wasn't the worst thing in the world. KC knew he had once probably complimented her a lot, how else would they have lasted a year? So maybe his comment would go by unnoticed, almost as if it was just another day. But it wasn't? Ugh this was hard.

Continuing to walk down one of the paths in the trees, Kaneki battled in his head, almost arguing with himself. Should he just tell her? Or should he not? What if he got his memories back and he loved her again? What if he got his memories back and he didn't? What if he never got his memories back? These were all things that continued to torture him, just as they had been for the last few months. "Can I - what?" he asked, shaking his head to clear away all of the irrelevant things. "Teach you? I can teach you how to bale hay, but that's about all I have in my repertoire. I can train with you if you want, but I'm pretty sure we'll be learning all of the same things here, starting entry level and whatnot."

Thea almost told him thank you, but it would've been in vain. It meant more to her than it did to him, and she didn't want to scare him away so quickly. Instead, she hide her smile, her cheeks red... obviously from all the running she's been doing. Obviously that was it.

Thea smiled at him, tapping a nail against her apple. "I guess," she said, turning her eyes towards him again. "But you'll get a lot faster than I will. You're... stronger than me. Faster. You always were." She bit her lip, hard. Was that too much? Did that sound like she was trying to woe him or something? She'd told him those things before, but they'd been on relationship terms, not sorry-but-I-don't-remember-loving-you terms. If Kaneki would've made it out in time, he probably wouldn't be stuck in punishment. Which was gross, but ... at least they both had it? Maybe it was a blessing is a very, very strong disguise.

"I just mean... uh. We could run some races, or spar a little sometimes, or whatever." Which was ... training. He'd already said yes to training, so she figured that'd be fine. They could work their way up to having lunch together, or taking a swim in the wave pool, or hanging out in the courtyard when their bodies were too overworked to do any of those things. Ya... yeah!

He could see why he had liked her before. She wore her heart on her sleeve, and she could act like she was being the cool girl right now, but he could see how much this was really getting to her. And really, KC wanted to help her out. To be honest, he'd like nothing more than to reciprocate her feelings... but he just couldn't be at the same level as she was. He didn't know her. And Kaneki was truly sorry for that.

"Yeah, training sounds good." He responded, way too lost in his own head to really put effort into sounding enthusiastic. What was he even doing here right now. Why was he talking to her? He didn't want to prolong making her think this could ever work. Kaneki turned to her, grabbing her hand suddenly and praying for her to be understanding. "You know I don't remember you, right? Like at all? And I want to be able to, because I want to be able to understand why I feel so comfortable when you're around. But I can't, and that's really hard for me. And I need you to realize that I'm not getting those memories back. I can get to know you now, but I'm just... I don't think I'm the same person you -- you know." Loved?

Althea hesitated, the itch in her eyes swelling fast. "You ... Think I don't know that?" she asked, unbelieving. Her fingers clenched into a small, upset fist, and she pulled her hand free of his grasp. His eyes were serious, sharp and harsh; they begged almost, for her not to get ahead of herself. This, us? It won't work. Not anymore. Her heart was starting to pound, rattling her insides so hard she could feel it in her skull. "I know." she insisted, voice scratchy. This was stupid! How could she do this? Stand here and love him when all he did -- could do -- was not love her back? Not even remember what it was like to be in a relationship together? It was like her whole future had crumbled into pieces, and some had gone missing so putting it back together again was impossible; but here she was trying anyway. Yet for her efforts she only received ... this. It didn't even seem to matter that he was comfortable with her, or that he was willing to be friends and get to know her.

Tears were starting to brim, she could feel them, and she dug her nails hard into her palms, willing them to halt. "You look right through me. I'm just some ... stranger. Never mind the photos, or the gifts, or the anything. You don't remember that. I know. I know." Althea pressed her knuckles against her lips; she needed to shut up. Be quiet. Stop talking. It wasn't his fault, she thought meekly, it wasn't it wasn't he'd never purposely do this. But she was selfish and angry, she'd lost everything. If she didn't deserve to cry than no one did. But crying in front of him seemed petty. "I have to go." Thea said abruptly, returning the apple to the ground, still fresh as when she'd scooped it up. "I have to leave, and... take a shower, or eat, or... I... I'll see you ... tomorrow." Althea turned to leave, pace feeling horribly slow, torn between wanting to go back and pretend like she hadn't just had a break down (an unfair breakdown, mind you), and leaving because wow. embarrassing much?