Andrew Brooks

“she wasn’t an elf, they’re pointed ears and lace wings and ballet costume. Countess Judy was the Queen of the Fey. Which is a totally different kettle of barracudas,”
― Tom Holt, Earth, Air, Fire and Custard

“The traditional wisdom when dealing with poltergeist phenomena is to keep an eye out for adolescent children in the vicinity.”
― David Langford, Fables from the Fountain

“A war is a very serious gig indeed, and not one for which I am prepared, either mentally or pharmaceutically. Journalists who follow such things are another breed, another species altogether, lantern-eyed with long sleepless nights of shelling, their postures permanently altered by the weight of their combat armor. They speak a language all their own, intelligible only to others of their species, and they are a dying breed. Today, bereft of even the tiniest civil disturbance to cover, they have begun to fight each other in bloody hand-to-hand combat, one-on-one, with teeth and fingernails, like psychopathic lemmings bent on the annihilation of their species”
― Dave Hutchinson, Now Wash Your Hands

“But my customers Have been most understanding, and we have responded with generosity if they do not overreact. If they find a dead body in the aisle, they're entitled to a 20% discount off 1 item that day.”
― Robert Asprin