Wanda

“How about Al?” Sam suggested. “Perfect,” Dave grinned. “Um . . . Hi Poseidon, this is Al.” “Al who?” “Al Jacques Yuoff!” Dave snorted, desperately trying not to laugh as Hairy Sam rocked back and forth giggling. “Al Jacques Yuoff?” Poseidon boomed. “You’ll jack me off? Thanks you fat bastard!” Dave shrieked and hung up quickly.”
― Robyn Peterman, Pirate Dave and his Randy Adventures

“Do you mind if we leave here so I can chain smoke 'til I throw up so it will be easier to quit?”
― Robyn Peterman, Fashionably Dead

“Cockmotherhumpershitpissbodoinkeewacker,”
― Robyn Peterman, Pirate Dave and his Randy Adventures

“I grabbed a beer out of the fridge and slammed it shut. I shouldn’t have come. I should have waited outside for Jack, told him my family had leprosy, and sent him on his merry way. After I boinked him in my new car.”
― Robyn Peterman, How Hard Can It Be?