Wanda

“I grabbed a beer out of the fridge and slammed it shut. I shouldn’t have come. I should have waited outside for Jack, told him my family had leprosy, and sent him on his merry way. After I boinked him in my new car.”
― Robyn Peterman, How Hard Can It Be?

“Cockmotherhumpershitpissbodoinkeewacker,”
― Robyn Peterman, Pirate Dave and his Randy Adventures

“How about Al?” Sam suggested. “Perfect,” Dave grinned. “Um . . . Hi Poseidon, this is Al.” “Al who?” “Al Jacques Yuoff!” Dave snorted, desperately trying not to laugh as Hairy Sam rocked back and forth giggling. “Al Jacques Yuoff?” Poseidon boomed. “You’ll jack me off? Thanks you fat bastard!” Dave shrieked and hung up quickly.”
― Robyn Peterman, Pirate Dave and his Randy Adventures

“Life happens whether we are ready or not—the only choice or control we have is whether or not we will rise to meet its challenges.”
― Robyn Peterman, Fashionably Dead