Brad

“Somebody had been doing some major league tampering to my car. The brake lines were cut. The tires were on fire. There was carbon monoxide coming out of everything. And the radio was tuned to a station I didn’t like. I had to tip my booby-trapped hat to whoever tampered with this car. I was late with my payments on the car anyway, and it looked like a lot of repair work was going to have to be done no matter how this came out, so I figured let the finance company worry about it. I called them up on my cell phone, told them where the car was, and jumped out. I was going over sixty at the time, but luckily I didn't hit the ground. There was a cliff there and I just went harmlessly over that. But just when you’re sailing along, thinking everything is going to be okay, something unexpected comes along to jar you out of your complacency. For me, in this case, it was the bottom of the cliff. I got bruised up pretty bad – they say I bounced for an hour - but luckily no bones were broken. That's where that protective layer of fat I was telling you about comes in.”
― John Swartzwelder, The Time Machine Did It

“The tranquility and peace that a scholar needs is something as sweet and as exhilarating as love.”
― Honoré de Balzac, The Wild Ass's Skin

“It was strange to listen to slick young Nazis along Fifth Avenue haranguing small gatherings from little mahogany pulpits. One spiel went as follows: "The philosophy of Hitler is a profound and thoughtful study of this industrial age, in which there is little room for the middleman or Jew."

A woman interrupted. "What kind of talk is that!" she exclaimed. "This is America. Where do you think you are?"

The young man, an obsequious, good-looking type, smiled blandly. "I'm in the United States and I happen to be an American citizen," he said smoothly.

"Well," she said, "I'm an American citizen, and a Jew, and if I were a man I'd knock your block off!"

One or two endorsed the lady's threat, but most of them stood apathetically silent. A policeman standing by quieted the woman. I came away astonished, hardly believing my ears.”
― Charlie Chaplin, My Autobiography

“He looked like some plant bleached by darkness.”
― Honoré de Balzac, The Wild Ass's Skin