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Alexis  Hall
“You know you’re wearing pyjamas wrong, right?”
He didn’t look up. “Oh?”
“Yeah, you’re supposed to just wear the bottoms, and have them hanging low on your hips, displaying your perfectly chiselled V-cut.”
“Maybe next time.”
I thought about this for a moment. “Are you saying you have a perfectly chiselled v-cut?”
“I’m not sure that’s any of your business.”
“What if someone asks? I should know for verisimilitude.”
The corners of his mouth twitched slightly. “You can say I’m a gentleman and we haven’t got that far.”
“You” – I gave a thwarted sigh – “are a terrible fake boyfriend.”
“I’m building fake anticipation.”
“You’d better be fake worth it.”
“I am.”
Alexis Hall, Boyfriend Material

Alexis  Hall
“I miss you.
Sorry. Was that too much?
I know it’s only been a few days.
Maybe this is why people don’t want to go out with me.
Not that you’re really going out with me anyway.
I hope I didn’t sound presumptuous.
I’m probably sounding really weird now.
I’m assuming you’re not texting back because you’re still asleep. Not because you think I’m disgustingly clingy.
If you’re awake and think I’m disgustingly clingy, could you at least tell me.
Right. You’re probably asleep.
And now you’re going to wake up and read all this and I’m going to die of embarrassment.
Sorry.”
Alexis Hall, Boyfriend Material

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