Rae

“Xie Lian whipped his head over, and a biting chill flashed before his face. He straightened and stated solemnly:

“You ask who I am? LISTEN WELL! ——I, AM THE EMINENT HIGHNESS THE CROWN PRINCE! You riotous radicals, BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!”

His voice boomed like thunder in clear skies. There were actually a few who almost dropped to their knees, and didn’t snap out of it until their companions pulled them up.

“What are you doing? Are you actually kneeling?”

“Th-that’s weird, I did it before I realized it…”

Xie Lian proclaimed sharply:

“I, AM OVER EIGHT HUNDRED. OLDER THAN ALL OF YOU COMBINED. I’VE CROSSED MORE BRIDGES THAN ALL THE ROADS YOU’VE WALKED.

“I, POSSESS SHRINES AND TEMPLES ACROSS THIS LAND; MY DEVOTEES AND WORSHIPPERS ARE SPREAD TO ALL FOUR SEAS. IF YOU DON’T KNOW MY NAME, IT’S BECAUSE YOU ARE IGNORANT AND UNLEARNED OF THE WORLD!

“I, DO NOT WORSHIP GODS.

“I, AM GOD!”

When the mob heard this speech, that was so shameless yet spoken with an incomparably impressive air, they were all stunned, and dropped their jaws.

“…HUH???”

Xie Lian made up all that nonsense because he was waiting for this very moment. He flung that plate in his hand, and all those little white meatballs shot out through the air like iron pellets, scattering in all directions. Without any misses, they were hurled right into the open mouths of all those people in shock. Then he wiped away his sweat.

“Will everyone please forget everything I just said? I’m actually only just a scrap collector!”
― Mò Xiāng Tóngxiù, 天官赐福 [Tiān Guān Cì Fú]