Izzy Brendli

“I had gotten hungry for bratwurst and had been walking toward the entrance of one of the four McDonald's franchises in Undisclosed (if you think it's weird getting a bratwurst from a McDonald's, then you're not from the Midwest). I glanced at the cartoon clown logo in the window and let out a scream.

Just a little scream, and a manly one. But I still frightened one little girl on the sidewalk so badly that she screamed, too.”
― David Wong, John Dies at the End

“SHUT UP. Both of you. You're coming with me." To me he said, "Put some pants on."

"Fuck you. This is my house. I make the rules. You take your clothes off. John, get the Twister mat.”
― David Wong, This Book Is Full of Spiders

“Are the most dangerous creatures the ones that use doors or the ones that don’t?”
― David Wong, John Dies at the End