August

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Book cover for The Collected Schizophrenias: Essays
Schizophrenics are victims of the Russian word гибель (gibel), which is synonymous with “doom” and “catastrophe”—not necessarily death nor suicide, but a ruinous cessation of existence; we deteriorate in a way that is painful for others.
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“When the leaves start to come back on the trees in the spring, you could look at them as new leaves. Last year's leaves fell off the tree in the autumn, and now a new generation of leaves has risen to take their place. But if you look at it from another point of view, you'd just say that the tree is leafing again-- leafing is just something that the tree does from time to time. It's only because we're so fascinated with the individual details of people that we think that there are generations upon generations of different humans on the planet, but a being from Mars observing the continual process of our birth and death might just as easily think that it's the same thing happening to our planet repeatedly-- humans keep on coming, but it's actually the same ones who keep coming back. In the same way, every year's leaves are the same old leaves coming back. They die, they're reabsorbed, and they keep coming back on the tree.

Everything does this. Everything keeps doing it again, but there are spaces in between, coming and going, and when we just look at those spaces, we don't see anything, so we think that the wave is finished-- it's done. And we think that when we die, our life is finished, and that's too bad. But what we really are is the energy field itself, and that energy field keeps doing us. It keeps peopling.”
Alan Watts

Tracy K. Smith
“I didn't want to wait on my knees
In a room made quiet by waiting.

A room where we'd listen for the rise
Of breath, the burble in his throat.

I didn't want the orchids or the trays
Of food meant to fortify that silence,

Or to pray for him to stay or to go then
Finally toward that ecstatic light.

I didn't want to believe
What we believe in those rooms:

That we are blessed, letting go,
Letting someone, anyone,

Drag open the drapes and heave us
Back into our blinding, bright lives.”
Tracy K. Smith, Life on Mars: Poems

Sylvia Plath
“What happens between us Happens in darkness, vanishes Easy and often as each breath.”
Sylvia Plath, The Colossus: and Other Poems

Liane Moriarty
“Zach was still there. He wasn’t going anywhere. He was going to stick around while she finished uni and traveled and got a job and got married and got old. Just because he chose death didn’t mean Zoe couldn’t choose life. He was still there in her heart and her memory, and he was going to stay beside her, keeping her company right until the end.”
Liane Moriarty, Nine Perfect Strangers

Tracy K. Smith
“So why do we insist
He has vanished, that death ran off with our
Everything worth having? Why not that he was
Swimming only through this life--his slow,
Graceful crawl, shoulders rippling,

Legs slicing away at the waves, gliding
Further into what life itself denies?
He is only gone so far as we can tell. Though
When I try, I see the white cloud of his hair
In the distance like an eternity.”
Tracy K. Smith, Life on Mars: Poems

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