doo78

“It’s not that I want us to understand one another, be friends, talk, or be together. I don’t need them to understand me. I know they won’t, and I don’t wish them to. What I’m looking for is something harsher and more severe. I want to know. I want to understand. I want to know so I can feel relief. I want peace of mind, because ignorance is absolutely terrifying. Complete understanding is such a self-righteous, selfish, and arrogant thing to wish for. It’s despicable and repulsive, really. I’m beyond disgusted with myself for wanting it.

But if—if we could feel the same way…

If we could impose that ugly self-satisfaction on one another, if there’s some sort of relationship that could permit that arrogance…

I know something like that is absolutely impossible. I bet I’ll never attain something like that.

I’m sure the grapes out of my reach are sour.

But I don’t need fruit sweet like lies. I don’t need false understanding or phony relationships.

What I want is those sour grapes.

Even if it’s sour, even if it’s bitter, even if it tastes bad, even if it’s pure poison, even if it doesn’t exist, even if I can’t acquire it, even if what I want cannot be allowed…

“Still…” The word came out of me unbidden, and even I could hear it trembling.

“Still, I…” I fought down the sob that nearly escaped and tried to swallow the sound along with the rest of the sentence, but they both came out in fragments. My teeth rattled, and my throat was tight as the words left my mouth anyway.

“I want…something real.”
― Wataru Watari, やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている。9

“I believe those three days,

compared to the tragic thirty years I would have lived,

compared to the worthwhile thirty days I would have lived,

were of much, much more value.”
― Sugaru Miaki, 三日間の幸福

“And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.”
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

“We accept the love we think we deserve.”
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower