Julia U

“You can do this,” Robin said. “I know you can.”
“You don’t know anything,” Edwin whispered, but it sounded like thank you.”
― Freya Marske, A Marvellous Light

“a woman’s body and her pleasure belong to her and no one else; that it’s possible to say no to intercourse without saying no to all the other things that come with it—the love and the affection and the pleasure and the play; and that my own internal experience was a legitimate guide for whether or not I wanted to try something”
― Emily Nagoski, Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

“Here’s the short version of how to practice mindfuless: 1. Start with two minutes. For two minutes a day, direct your attention to your breath: the way the air comes into your body and your chest and belly expand, and the way the breath leaves your body and your chest and belly deflate. 2. The first thing that will happen is your mind will wander to something else. That’s normal. That’s healthy. That’s actually the point. Notice that your mind wandered, let those extraneous thoughts go—you can return to them as soon as the two minutes are up—and allow your attention to return to your breath. 3. Noticing that your mind wandered and then returning your attention to your breath is the real work of mindfulness. It’s not so much about paying attention to your breath as it is about noticing what you’re paying attention to without judgment, and making a choice about whether you want to pay attention to it. What you’re “mindful” of is both your breath and your attention to your breath. By practicing this skill of noticing what you’re paying attention to, you are teaching yourself to be in control of your brain, so that your brain is not in control of you. This regular two-minute practice will gradually result in periodic moments throughout the day when you notice what you’re paying attention to and then decide if that’s what you want to pay attention to right now, or if you want to pay attention to something else. What you pay attention to matters less than how you pay attention. This is a sideways strategy for weeding trauma out of your garden. It’s a way of simply noticing a weed and then deciding if you want to water it or not, pull it or not, fertilize it or not. The weed of trauma will gradually disappear as long as at least half the time you choose not to nurture it. And the more you choose to withdraw your protection from the trauma, the faster it will wither and die. Mindfulness is good for everyone and everything. It is to your mind what exercise and green vegetables are to your body. If you change only one thing in your life as a result of reading this book, make it this daily two-minute practice. The practice grants the opportunity to “cultivate deep respect for emotions,” differentiating their causes from their effects and granting you choice over how you manage them.”
― Emily Nagoski, Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

“Addy,” said Mrs. Kaur. “I’ll still have to log it, and account for it later.”
“Blame me,” said Robin at once.
One thick black eyebrow arched.
Miss Morrissey leaned forward and smiled at her sister. “Would you say Sir Robert is a threatening figure?”
“Er,” said Mrs. Kaur. It was the most diplomatic single syllable Robin had ever heard.
“Are you afraid for your maidenly virtue?”
“I’m married, Addy,” said Kitty Kaur dryly. “I have none.” She eyed Robin. “He does seem the kind of well-built, pugnacious fellow who would follow through on a threat of bodily harm.”
“I beg your pardon,” Robin began to protest, and then the penny dropped. “Oh. Would it help if I raised my voice?”
“Yes, that would do nicely. Sir Robert strong-armed my sister into bringing him here to seek my help, and threatened us with harm unless I abused my access to the lockroom in order to locate Mr. Courcey. Overcome by concern for his friend, of course, but still. Most brutish behavior.”
“And we are but feeble women,” said Miss Morrissey. “Woe.”
“Your sister is a magician,” Robin said, pointing out what seemed the largest hole in this story.
“Woe,” said Mrs. Kaur firmly, and Robin recalled what Miss Morrissey had said about the assumptions made by men.”
― Freya Marske, A Marvellous Light