Venla Kervinen

“In those months I thought often of what I was trying to do, of how had it is to keep alive someone who doesn't want to stay alive. First you try logic (You have so much to live for), and then you try guilt (You owe me), and then you try anger, and threats, and pleading (I'm old; don't do this to an old man). But then, once they agree, it is necessary that you, the cajoler, move into the realm of self-deception because you can see that it is costing them, you can see how much they don't want to be here, you can see that the mere act of existing is depleting for them, and then you have to tell yourself every day: I am doing the right thing. To let him do what he wants to do is abhorrent to the laws of nature, to the laws of love. You pounce upon the happy moments, you hold them up as proof - See? This is why it's worth living. This is why I've been making him try - even though that one moment cannot compensate for all the other moments, the majority of the moments.”
― Hanya Yanagihara, A Little Life

“It’s strange to know that whenever I remember myself at fifteen, I’ll think of this.”
― Kate Elizabeth Russell, My Dark Vanessa

“Aurinkoisina päivinä istun ulkona uurnasi päällä ja mietin miltä tämä kokeilu sinusta tuntuu. Kun tällä tavalla yritän arkipäiväistää asioita, kun tällä tavalla yritän tunnustella todellisuutta ja sitä että olet nyt harmaana läjänä tässä koivuisessa astiassa ahterini alla, ja minä syön puolukoita päälläsi.”
― Meiju Niskala, Sata kirjettä kuolleelle äidille

“There are men who never turn into boyfriends, who peer behind the curtain and see the mess of me—literal and figurative: the apartment with a narrow path through the clothes and trash leading from bed to bathroom; the drinking, endless drinking; the blackout sex and nightmares. “You’re kind of screwed up,” they say, at first with a laugh in their voice, an attitude of maybe this will be fun for a while, but as soon as I slur out the story—teacher, sex, fifteen, but I liked it, I miss it—they’re done. “You’ve got serious issues,” they say on their way out the door.”
― Kate Elizabeth Russell, My Dark Vanessa