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“In our rapidly changing society we can count on only two things that will never change. What will never change is the will to change and the fear of change. It is the will to change that motivates us to seek help. It is the fear of change that motivates us to resist the very help we seek. —Harriet Lerner, The Dance of Intimacy”
― The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love
― The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love
“Usually adult males who are unable to make emotional connections with the women they chose to be intimate with are frozen in time, unable to allow themselves to love for fear that the loved one will abandon them.”
― The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love
― The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love
“Men come to sex hoping that it will provide them with all of the emotional satisfaction that would have come from love. Most men think that sex will provide them with a sense of being alive, connected, that sex will offer closeness, intimacy, pleasure. And more often than not sex simply does not deliver the goods. This fact does not lead men to cease obsessing about sex; it intensifies their lust and their longing.”
― The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love
― The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love
“When culture is based on a dominator model, not only will it be violent, but it will frame all relationships as power struggles.”
― The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love
― The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love
“This is a patriarchal truism that most people in our society want to deny. Whenever women thinkers, especially advocates of feminism, speak about the widespread problem of male violence, folks are eager to stand up and make the point that most men are not violent. They refuse to acknowledge that masses of boys and men have been programmed from birth on to believe that at some point they must be violent, whether psychologically or physically, to prove that they are men.”
― The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love
― The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love
xiaochengzi ’s 2025 Year in Books
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