Denis Avakov

“I went into college knowing Latin and calculus. After four years, I'd forgotten them both. Blame the apple bong for that.”
― Mike Reiss, Springfield Confidential: Jokes, Secrets, and Outright Lies from a Lifetime Writing for The Simpsons

“God always listens to my prayers, then does the exact opposite.”
― Mike Reiss, Springfield Confidential: Jokes, Secrets, and Outright Lies from a Lifetime Writing for The Simpsons

“THEIR GRANDKIDS MAKE THEM DO IT. This was the case with George Harrison, and it made us all feel very old.”
― Mike Reiss, Springfield Confidential: Jokes, Secrets, and Outright Lies from a Lifetime Writing for The Simpsons

“featured an eight-year-old boy who saved his friend who was choking to death. When asked where he learned the Heimlich, he said, “It was on a poster on The Simpsons.” True story.”
― Mike Reiss, Springfield Confidential: Jokes, Secrets, and Outright Lies from a Lifetime Writing for The Simpsons