M. Gordon

“Three men!” he yells, holding up three fingers. “An Italian, a Frenchman, and a Jew sit in a bar talking about how they pleasure their women. The Frenchman says: ‘Me, I slather my mademoiselle from head to toe with butter from Normandy, and after she comes she screams for five minutes.’ The Italian says: ‘Me, when I bang my signora, first of all I spread her whole body from top to bottom with olive oil that I buy in this one village in Sicily, and she keeps screaming for ten minutes after she comes.’ The Jewish guy’s mute. Nothing. The Frenchman and the Italian look at him: ‘What about you?’ ‘Me?’ says the Jew. ‘I slather my Golda with schmaltz, and after she comes she screams for an hour.’ ‘An hour?’ The Frenchman and the Italian can’t believe their ears: ‘What exactly do you do to her?’ ‘Oh,’ says the Jew, ‘I wipe my hands on the curtains.’ ”
― David Grossman, A Horse Walks into a Bar

“Remember that every person only lives for a short time, and you have to make that time pleasant for him.”
― David Grossman, A Horse Walks into a Bar

“Take it from me, the best way to be appreciated somewhere is to not be there, you get me?”
― David Grossman, A Horse Walks into a Bar

“woman who claimed to want only the best for me, and yet she gave birth to me!”
― David Grossman, A Horse Walks into a Bar