Amy H

“scary mommy confession #80920

" I invited you into my home as a guest. And you brought my two year old permanent markers and play-doh. next time I visit you, I'm bringing your teenage daughter condoms and crack.”
― jill smokler, Motherhood Comes Naturally

“My mother came into the kitchen. "Whose car is that parked in front of our house?"

"That's Stephanie's new car," Grandma said. "Isn't it a pip?"

One of my mother's eyebrows raised in question. "Two new cars? Where are these cars coming from?"

"Company cars," I said.

"Oh?"

"Anal sex is not involved," I told her.

My mother and grandmother both gasped.

"Sorry," I said. "It just slipped out."

"I thought only homosexual men did anal sex," Grandma said.

"Anybody with an anus can do it," I told her.

"Hmm," she said. "I got one of them.”
― janet evanovich, High Five

“No book can be appreciated until it has been slept with and dreamed over.”
― Eugene Field

“I like to think I'm not stupid often, tonight proves that when I am, I do it in a big way.”
― Lisa Renee Jones, Being Me