Kris

“toilet; I was puking outside in the bushes like a goddamn American.”
― Alina Jacobs, It's Mother-Pucking Christmas!

“Gird your loins and hoist your bras, ladies. We’re digging in.”
― Meghan Quinn, Till Summer Do Us Part

“But she seems to be on a roll of not giving a fuck. “If the Rebels make it to the World Series, Brody and Gary are required to perform the following rituals in this order. First game, both lying on their backs, pinkies linked.” Jesus, not the pinkies linked. “Second game, back-to-back, rotating every half inning so they don’t strain their necks.” That one just makes sense. “Third game, they feed each other potato salad every inning. That one’s disgusting to witness.” We keep a cooler to the side so it doesn’t get warm, not that you were asking. “Fourth game…hmm, what do they, oh yeah. They pretend their feet are phones and ring each other up every inning to call in the inning’s plays.” That one we could have left out. “Fifth, sixth, and seventh, those are up for grabs. But if they do reach game seven, they have to wear their clothes backward with their underwear on the outside and sing ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’ before every inning while holding hands and spinning around in circles.” Well…fuck. That’s pretty damning. And for the record, I carry that song for the both of us. Gary has an awful voice, and I should be sainted for dealing with his off-pitch singing.”
― Meghan Quinn, Bridesmaid for Hire

“No, don’t you fucking—‘ I tried to cut him off. ‘Mendax, the King of Aurelius. Has a certain ring to it, doesn’t it?’ he said proudly. ‘Stop,’ I pleaded. ‘Aurelius touches everyone,’ he projected proudly. ‘That’s the slogan we decided would showcase the inclusive nature of the new realm.’ ‘I’m begging you to stop,’ I said.”
― Jeneane O'Riley, Can You Take It?