Ann Venables

“Sometimes in the company of others I find a disagreeable spirit of competitiveness kicks in and each person is shamed into spending rather more than he would have wished. This is a historically established syndrome, of course. One Magus going to Bethlehem would probably have sprung for a box of After Eights. Three Magi on the same trip found themselves laden with gold, frankincense and myrrh and bitterly comtemplating their overdrafts.”
― James Hamilton-Paterson, Cooking with Fernet Branca

“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.”
― Jay Leno

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”
― George Carlin

“Money's scarce
Times are hard
Here's your fucking
Xmas card”
― Phyllis Diller