Ming-Wai

“Chris takes a long drag. “I don’t even know Leon’s story, Dad, so I’m not about to judge him. But I don’t disagree with you about trying to give my child everything I never had. I do think that’s our job as parents, from one generation to the next. But to me, it’s not only about the material.” “Oh? Then what’s it about?” “Love.” Lolo Emil lets out a sarcastic laugh. “I made sure you grew up in a safe neighborhood with good schools. That you could focus on your studies instead of needing a job. That you always had a fridge full of food. That you could go to the doctor when you were sick. That you didn’t have to worry about paying for college—even if I thought your major was useless.” “And I appreciate all that, Dad.” “But that wasn’t enough for you? That wasn’t…‘love’?” Enzo imagines Lolo Emil wincing as he says the last word. In his entire life, had he ever said it to anyone besides Grandma Linda and maybe his own mom? If not, how sad. “In some ways, sure,” Chris says. “But there’s more to it.” “Enlighten me.” “So, yeah, it’s doing all that stuff you did to take care of someone. But it’s also knowing them. Like, really, truly understanding them as a person as much as possible. It’s getting out of the way and allowing them the freedom to be that person. It’s being proud, not when they fulfill your own expectations or conditions but when they live in a way that aligns with who they are. It’s a whole lot of other stuff, too, that I can’t put into words. That’s the love I’m trying to give to Enzo, at least.” Lolo Emil speaks again, this time with uncharacteristic concern. “I never gave you any of that, Christopher?”
― Randy Ribay, Everything We Never Had

“We shall never achieve harmony with the land, any more than we shall achieve absolute justice or liberty for people. In these higher aspirations, the important thing is not to achieve but to strive.”
― Randy Ribay, Everything We Never Had

“As far as emotions go, shame is the heaviest and can be the most devastating. Whatever the source, shame causes us to hold ourselves in low regard for being somehow different. The effects can be far-reaching, corrosive, and devastating. Shame has a much more toxic effect on our life when we don’t even realize that we’re carrying it.”
― Terri Cole, Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency

“A clue that all is not well comes when I ask them how they feel and they honestly don’t know. In contrast, they almost never have a problem telling me what they think about things. Not knowing how or what we feel can be a sign of disassociation from our body and lived experiences and can be a sign of trauma. By staying in this pattern, we are unconsciously denying ourselves the full spectrum of our experiences and emotions by suppressing parts of ourselves that need our attention. Then, the pattern of tolerating mistreatment can get repeated in our careers, relationships, and friendships—and we have no idea why this trouble keeps following us around.”
― Terri Cole, Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency