Ming-Wai

“This is a country of broken promises,” she says. “They would have us believe that we were the ones to fail, that it is our fault alone if we do not have the lives we want. That it is our fault we are still toiling in the fields after all these years.” She pauses. Rests her hand on his. “So I am thankful for angels like your father who continue to fight for our dignity, our lives, when everyone else would sooner forget we still exist.” Emil leans back, pulling his hand away in shame at how often he’s mentally disparaged his father’s efforts.”
― Randy Ribay, Everything We Never Had

“A clue that all is not well comes when I ask them how they feel and they honestly don’t know. In contrast, they almost never have a problem telling me what they think about things. Not knowing how or what we feel can be a sign of disassociation from our body and lived experiences and can be a sign of trauma. By staying in this pattern, we are unconsciously denying ourselves the full spectrum of our experiences and emotions by suppressing parts of ourselves that need our attention. Then, the pattern of tolerating mistreatment can get repeated in our careers, relationships, and friendships—and we have no idea why this trouble keeps following us around.”
― Terri Cole, Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency

“Chris takes a long drag. “I don’t even know Leon’s story, Dad, so I’m not about to judge him. But I don’t disagree with you about trying to give my child everything I never had. I do think that’s our job as parents, from one generation to the next. But to me, it’s not only about the material.” “Oh? Then what’s it about?” “Love.” Lolo Emil lets out a sarcastic laugh. “I made sure you grew up in a safe neighborhood with good schools. That you could focus on your studies instead of needing a job. That you always had a fridge full of food. That you could go to the doctor when you were sick. That you didn’t have to worry about paying for college—even if I thought your major was useless.” “And I appreciate all that, Dad.” “But that wasn’t enough for you? That wasn’t…‘love’?” Enzo imagines Lolo Emil wincing as he says the last word. In his entire life, had he ever said it to anyone besides Grandma Linda and maybe his own mom? If not, how sad. “In some ways, sure,” Chris says. “But there’s more to it.” “Enlighten me.” “So, yeah, it’s doing all that stuff you did to take care of someone. But it’s also knowing them. Like, really, truly understanding them as a person as much as possible. It’s getting out of the way and allowing them the freedom to be that person. It’s being proud, not when they fulfill your own expectations or conditions but when they live in a way that aligns with who they are. It’s a whole lot of other stuff, too, that I can’t put into words. That’s the love I’m trying to give to Enzo, at least.” Lolo Emil speaks again, this time with uncharacteristic concern. “I never gave you any of that, Christopher?”
― Randy Ribay, Everything We Never Had

“I used to think that grief was about looking backward”
― Kate Bowler, Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I've Loved