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Ernest Hemingway
“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
Ernest Hemingway

Douglas Adams
“For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much—the wheel, New York, wars and so on—whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man—for precisely the same reasons.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Arthur Conan Doyle
“When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.”
Arthur Conan Doyle, The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes

Neil Gaiman
“When I was a child, adults would tell me not to make things up, warning me of what would happen if I did. As far as I can tell so far, it seems to involve lots of foreign travel and not having to get up too early in the morning.”
Neil Gaiman, Smoke and Mirrors: Short Fiction and Illusions

Oscar Wilde
“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
Oscar Wilde, The Happy Prince and Other Stories

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