Timothy Knutson

“Shit is the tofu of cursing and can be molded to whichever condition the speaker desires.”
― David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames

“WHEN ASKED “ What do we need to learn this for?” any high-school teacher can confidently answer that, regardless of the subject, the knowledge will come in handy once the student hits middle age and starts working crossword puzzles in order to stave off the terrible loneliness. Because it’s true. Latin, geography, the gods of ancient Greece and Rome: unless you know these things, you’ll be limited to doing the puzzles in People magazine, where the clues read “Movie title, Gone ____ the Wind” and “It holds up your pants.” It’s not such a terrible place to start, but the joy of accomplishment wears off fairly quickly.”
― David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day

“The people I hung out with in my early twenties were middle-class and, at least to our minds, artistic. We’d all turned our backs on privilege, but comfortably, the way you can when you still have access to it. No one wanted to call home asking for money, but we all knew that in a pinch our parents would come through for us.”
― David Sedaris, Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls

“In my experience, it was hard to write without your preferred tools, but impossible to write without a cigarette.”
― David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day