Susi

“Dude,” I said, leaning over the desk, “I’m about as psychic as a carrot.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“Oh, I forgot to tell you," Cookie said. "Amber wants your dad to get a teriyaki machine so she can sing for all the lonely barflies."

"I'm a good singer, mom."

Only a twelve-year-old could make the word mom sound blasphemous.

I leaned into Cookie, "Does she know its not called--?"

"No," she whispered.

"Are you gonna tell her?"


"No. It's much funnier this way.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right

“At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated.”
― Darynda Jones, Third Grave Dead Ahead

“I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity.”
― Darynda Jones, First Grave on the Right