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Stephen Colbert
“In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.” Sorry, Darwin-huggers, but it’s not “In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.”
Stephen Colbert, I Am America

Stephen Colbert
“If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?!”
Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert
“Making a better tomorrow, tomorrow.”
Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert
“Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires.”
Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert
“Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.”
Steven Colbert

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