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Stephen Colbert
“If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?!”
Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert
“The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun”
Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert
“Making a better tomorrow, tomorrow.”
Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert
“Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires.”
Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert
“Life is chaotic and unpredictable. If a butterfly flaps its wings in
one part of the world, it could cause people at the opposite end of the globe to watch a Discovery Channel special on butterflies”
Stephen Colbert, I Am America

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