William Martin

“It has been fashionable in some psychiatric and lay circles to blame the mother for whatever goes wrong in development. [...]

If blame must be assessed it should be placed on the human condition which requires such prolonged dependence on one individual for development to take place. This makes the child extraordinarily vulnerable to the idiosyncrasies of that person (the mother). On the other hand, the prolonged dependence on this relationship also provides the potential for the richness of the human personality.

It is a mistake, in my judgment, in psychotherapy to encourage or side with the patient's hostility to the mother. The patient has to become aware of and express it in therapy in order to grow but whatever the source of this hostility is in the past -- be it an actual memory or a fantasy to rationalize a feeling state -- the problem is now the patient's responsibility and he must work it out.”
― James F. Masterson, Psychotherapy Of The Borderline Adult: A Developmental Approach

“As the child gets older, the discrepancy between his chronological age and the level of his psychological functioning widens. He develops a “borderline personality disorder” which becomes progressively more entrenched over time as the individual encounters and struggles with the challenges of each life phase.”
― James F. Masterson, Search For The Real Self: Unmasking The Personality Disorders Of Our Age

“The mother’s unavailability to supply the emotional fuel dampened or thwarted the child’s desire to individuate and become his real self,”
― James F. Masterson, Search For The Real Self: Unmasking The Personality Disorders Of Our Age

“love is the capacity to acknowledge the other’s real self in a warm, affectionate way, with no strings attached, and to enjoy the sexual passion that energizes the relationship in such a way that the welfare of the partner, in every sense of that term, becomes as important as one’s own welfare. In fact, we could say that true love is a union of two people, each for the good of the other, where the other’s best interests become at least equal to one’s own. In light of what we have been saying throughout this book, to love is to like, approve of, and support another’s real self and to encourage the other to activate, express, and nurture that real self. This investment in the other enlarges, enriches, and completes the experience of the self.”
― James F. Masterson, Search For The Real Self: Unmasking The Personality Disorders Of Our Age