Kendall

“I" before "E" except after "C" and when sounding like "A" as in neighbor and weigh, and on weekends and holidays and all throughout May, and YOU'LL ALWAYS BE WRONG NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY!!!!”
― Brian Regan

“I have to lay off dairy though. That's what my doctor threw in. As I was leaving his office, "Oh, and uh, leave off dairy." What kind of blanket sweep is that? "And no more happiness! Away with you!”
― Brian Regan

“I never learn. Like a waitress will bring my meal. “Hey, enjoy your meal.”

“You, too. But you don’t have one, do ya? I’m a dufus. If you do eat enjoy it when you eat it if you have a break or something, later. If you get an opportunity.” That’s all I’m trying to say.”
― Brian Regan

“A serving size on ice cream is like a half a cup. Is that like a joke some guy put on there? "Hey, come here: look what I put for the serving size. Did you see? I just did it as a joke but they're going out like that." You ever know anybody to eat a half a cup of ice cream? "Hey, you wanna go grab something to eat?" "Ah, no. I had a half a cup of ice cream. Ya, a whole half a cup. I just kept eating and eating and eating. I must've had two spoonfuls.”
― Brian Regan