JJ

“There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.”
― Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

“Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and drive. I will never drink and drive again. I may even start my own group fashioned after MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, but I'll call it AWLTDASH, Alcoholics Who Like to Drink and Stay Home.”
― Chelsea Handler

“At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and then some Matthew McConaughey type either whips around the corner just in the nick of time to save her or is clumsily pulled down along with her. That event predictably leads to the magical moment of their first kiss. Please. I fall ALL the time. You know who comes and gets me? The bouncer.”
― Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein