Patrick Mitchell

“My own boyfriend didn't think I had the hypothetical balls to have sex in the park or go to a drag ball in the eighteen hundreds. Was I that much of a wimp?”
― Craig Seymour, All I Could Bare: My Life in the Strip Clubs of Gay D.C.

“Shit is the tofu of cursing and can be molded to whichever condition the speaker desires. Hot as shit. Windy as shit. I myself was confounded as shit...”
― David Sedaris

“The only person who is going to buy that monstrosity with all it's marble and pillars is a Persian. Why did they add all those little rooms that lead to nowhere? It's just a total abortion.”
― Heather McDonald, You'll Never Blue Ball in This Town Again: One Woman's Painfully Funny Quest to Give It Up

“Watching him was like opening the door to a siniging telegram; you know it's supposed to be entertaining, but you can't get beyond the sad fact that this person actually thinks he bringing some joy into your life. Somewhere he had a mother who sifted through a shoe box of mimeographed playbills, pouring herself another drink and wondering when her son would come to his senses and swallow some drain cleaner.”
― David Sedaris, Naked