Adam

“The real act of, say, building a friendship or creating a community involves performing a series of small, concrete social actions well: disagreeing without poisoning the relationship; revealing vulnerability at the appropriate pace; being a good listener; knowing how to end a conversation gracefully; knowing how to ask for and offer forgiveness; knowing how to let someone down without breaking their heart; knowing how to sit with someone who is suffering; knowing how to host a gathering where everyone feels embraced; knowing how to see things from another’s point of view.”
― David Brooks, How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen

“What crossroads are you at?” At any moment, most of us are in the middle of some transition. The question helps people focus on theirs. “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” Most people know that fear plays some role in their life, but they haven’t clearly defined how fear is holding them back. “If you died tonight, what would you regret not doing?” “If we meet a year from now, what will we be celebrating?” “If the next five years is a chapter in your life, what is that chapter about?” “Can you be yourself where you are and still fit in?”
― David Brooks, How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen

“Growing up in a rigid family system begets children who are often split off as either good or bad. Whether you become the golden child or the black sheep, your life reveals the pathology of a rigid family system. The black sheep of the family may look out of control, but if you listen to what drives his behavior and defiance, you will hear an honesty that rivals the truth-telling capacity of a biblical prophet. He refuses to live in a family that demands unquestioned loyalty to the tyranny of rigidity and, sadly, often squanders much of his life in defiant protest long after he leaves home. The consequences of his actions will certainly need to be engaged, but the recovery process of the black sheep is far easier than the golden child’s journey out of a life of self-righteousness and hiding.”
― Jay Stringer, Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing

“Even when you know someone well, I find that if you don’t talk about the little things on a regular basis, it’s hard to talk about the big things.”
― David Brooks, How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen