Rachel

“If you think you’re doing some charity work with me… something altruistic by taking pity on poor little Lanie, get over it now, mister—”

Her fork flew right out of her hand, past Kyle’s shoulder. She sat there for a second staring disbelievingly at her empty hand. Then she narrowed her eyes at Kyle and snatched the fork out of his hand and used it.
-“That’s my fork, Lanie.”
-“Fork you, Kyle,”
― M.K. Schiller, The Do-Over

“Most people can motivate themselves to do things simply by knowing that those things need to be done. But not me. For me, motivation is this horrible, scary game where I try to make myself do something while I actively avoid doing it. If I win, I have to do something I don't want to do. And if I lose, I'm one step closer to ruining my entire life. And I never know whether I'm going to win or lose until the last second.”
― Allie Brosh, Hyperbole and a Half: Unfortunate Situations, Flawed Coping Mechanisms, Mayhem, and Other Things That Happened

“I fucking love Chili’s,” I said. “Sometimes the craving strikes for that middle-class fancy shit, you know?” “Like Applebee’s?” “Meh.” I shrugged. “Not my favorite, but I like all the iterations of Applebee’s.” “What do you mean?” “Well,” I said, “right now, we’re at Southwest Applebee’s. Texas Roadhouse is like Cowboy Applebee’s, and Olive Garden is Italian Applebee’s.”
― Lyla Sage, Wild and Wrangled

“Fork you, Kyle," she said and took a bite of her duck, chewing it with deliberate slowness.
"Fork yourself, Lanie," he replied, irritated by her rant.
She got quiet for a minute, swallowed, and then said barely above a whisper, "I tried but it didn't work. That's why I have you.”
― M.K. Schiller, The Do-Over