Teresa

“I’ll emphasize this here because women have been conditioned to see selflessness as a virtue, and to require a damn good reason (and often approval) to ask for anything for ourselves. It can feel deeply uncomfortable to state our boundary and let it stand without overexplaining, making excuses, or justifying our desires—so that is exactly what I’m asking you to practice, as a means of reminding yourself that you are worthy of having and meeting your own needs. Every time I acknowledge and honor my own needs without asking for “permission” first, I think of it as giving a quiet middle finger to the patriarchy.”
― Melissa Urban, The Book of Boundaries: Set the Limits That Will Set You Free

“People reacting this badly to your boundaries means you’re revoking a privilege they were never meant to have.”
― Melissa Urban, The Book of Boundaries: Set the Limits That Will Set You Free

“you don’t have to take criticism or field your family’s opinions on any of your choices, from the job you take to who you marry to where you live. You’re not asking your family for money, advice, or even false enthusiasm—your very reasonable boundary is simply “I won’t stand here and let you pee in my Cheerios.”
― Melissa Urban, The Book of Boundaries: Set the Limits That Will Set You Free

“Letting go of the friendship can feel like you’re letting go of a piece of your own history—and many friendships last far longer than they should for that very reason. There’s a psychological fallacy that likely plays in here: the Sunk Cost Fallacy. It describes our tendency to stick with a task, job, or relationship because we have already invested time, effort, or money in it, regardless of how well (or not well) it’s working for us now. It’s a big part of why we continue to hold on to long-standing friendships, even if the other person is no longer a good friend. “We have history. We’ve been through a lot together! I can’t just throw that all away!” Can’t you, though?”
― Melissa Urban, The Book of Boundaries: Set the Limits That Will Set You Free