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“in one national phone poll of 1,001 US adults, while 82 percent of adults reported having done chores growing up, only 28 percent had their kids doing chores. As one mother bluntly put it to me, “I’d rather my daughter know Mandarin than how to make her bed.”
― Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-and What We Can Do About It
― Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-and What We Can Do About It
“In the unrelenting chase of what is “best,” many of us can unknowingly allow our lives to become defined by materialism. Materialism isn’t simply about loving certain logos or buying nice stuff; rather, it’s a value system that defines our goals and attention and how we spend our days. And it can leave us not just exhausted but unmoored. Pursuing materialistic goals, like high-status careers and money, causes us to invest our time and energy into things that take time away from investing in our social connections, a habit that can make us feel isolated over time. Ironically, the more isolated we feel, the more likely we are to pursue materialistic goals that we hope, even subconsciously, will draw people to us. Acquiring status markers, we believe, will make us worthy of the human connection we crave. It’s a vicious cycle: some people may become materialistic not because they love money more but because they have underdeveloped connections. Instead of attaching to people, they attach to material goods and status markers to fill the void and to try to get the emotional security they’re lacking. But this approach can backfire and undermine the very relationships we’re trying to foster. In fact, people who prioritize materialistic goals tend to have weaker, more transactional relationships: you do for me, I do for you.”
― Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-and What We Can Do About It
― Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-and What We Can Do About It
“Another big lesson I learned in my reporting was that people need to know they matter more than they need their privacy.”
― Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-and What We Can Do About It
― Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-and What We Can Do About It
“Make home a “mattering haven.” Parents can provide a child’s most significant source of mattering—or be the greatest source of contingent mattering, feeling like they matter only when they’re performing. Because our kids are bombarded with messages on the importance of achievement, home needs to be a safe place to land, a place where their mattering is never in question.”
― Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-and What We Can Do About It
― Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-and What We Can Do About It
“Conditional regard” is the psychological term for parental affection that depends on a child meeting certain expectations, whether academic, athletic, or behavioral. Researchers distinguish between two types of conditional regard: positive, like when children feel their parents provide more warmth and affection than usual when expectations are met, and negative, when affection is withheld after expectations aren’t met. Psychologists have shown that conditional regard undermines a child’s self-esteem. Instead of figuring out who they really are, adolescents fixate on pleasing others.”
― Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-and What We Can Do About It
― Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-and What We Can Do About It
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Olivia’s 2025 Year in Books
Take a look at Olivia’s Year in Books, including some fun facts about their reading.
885 books
|
93 friends
744 books
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75 friends
2,456 books
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429 friends
360 books
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20 friends
174 books
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14 friends
73 books
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3 friends
90 books
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4 friends
483 books
|
27 friends
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