Laura

“I was modest--they accused me of being crafty: I became secretive. I felt deeply good and evil--nobody caressed me, everybody offended me: I became rancorous. I was gloomy--other children were merry and talkative. I felt myself superior to them--but was considered inferior: I became envious. I was ready to love the whole world--none understood me: and I learned to hate.”
― Mikhail Lermontov, A Hero of Our Time

“Right," I said, but it didn't feel very right. I didn't want to make it. I wanted to lie down with it and strangle it and kill it and save it and nurse it and kill it again and I wanted to go and forget where I was going and I wanted to change my name and forget my face and I wanted to drink and get my head ruined but I certainly hadn't thought about making it. That wasn't anything I'd ever sought out to do.”
― Ottessa Moshfegh, McGlue

“Nature teaches us to devour each other and gives us the example of all the crimes and all the vices which the social state corrects or conceals. We should love virtue; but it is well to know that this is simply and solely a convenient expedient invented by men in order to live comfortably together. What we call morality is merely a desperate enterprise, a forlorn hope, on the part of our fellow creatures to reverse the order of the universe, which is strife and murder, the blind interplay of hostile forces. She destroys herself, and the more I think of things, the more convinced I am that the universe is mad. Theologians and philosophers, who make God the author of Nature and the architect of the universe, show Him to us as illogical and ill-conditioned. They declare Him benevolent, because they are afraid of Him, but they are forced to admit that His acts are atrocious. They attribute a malignity to him seldom to be found even in mankind. And that is how they get human beings to adore Him. For our miserable race would never lavish worship on just and benevolent deities from which they would have nothing to fear; they would feel only a barren gratitude for their benefits. Without purgatory and hell, your good God would be a mighty poor creature.”
― Anatole France

“I've got plenty of courage, as much as you! ... Only, if you want the whole truth ... everything, absolutely everything! disgusts me and turns my stomach!

Not just you! ... Everything! ... And love most of all! ... Yours as much as anyone else's! ... The sentimental tripe you dish out ... Want me to tell you what I think of it? I think it's like making love in the crapper! Do you get me now? ... All the sentiment you trot out to make me stick with you hits me like an insult, if you want to know ... And to make it worse, you don't even realize it, you're the one that's rotten because you don't understand! ... You're satisfied repeating the rubbish other people say ... You think it makes sense ... People have told you there's nothing better than love, they've told you it'll go down with everybody, everywhere and always, and that's good enough for you ... Well, I say fuck their love! ... You hear? ... Their putrid love doesn't go down with me ... not anymore! ... You've missed the train! You're too late! It won't go down anymore, and that's that! ... What a stupid thing to get steamed up about! ... Why do you have to make love, considering all the things that are happening? ... All the things we see around us! ... Or are you blind? ... More likely you just don't give a damn! You wallow in sentiment when you're a worse brute than anybody ... You want to eat rotten meat? ... With love sauce? ... Does that help it down? ... Not with me!”
― Louis-Ferdinand Céline, Journey to the End of the Night